New to board.

[Depression = 72% of members]

My Mom is 66 and is most likely BPD. She has been diagnosed with everything under the sun but BPD. She has also gone untreated by choice for much of her life. I am an only child. I am not even sure where to start. I am reading up on how to deal with her now (should have done this year's sgo). I have just not dealt with herf or a very long time. I actually just put up with a great deal of her abuse until about 7 years ago. After that all hell broke loose. She will barely even speak to her grandchildren now and I am not speaking to her at all. I am not sure how to get back into her life when I don't feel that she even really cares about me. She has refused treatment for many years now. I am lost as to what to do!.

[Mimi91]

My Mom is 66 and is most likely BPD. She has been diagnosed with everything under the sun but BPD. She has also gone untreated by choice for much of her life. I am an only child. I am not even sure where to start. I am reading up on how to deal with her now (should have done this year's sgo). I have just not dealt with herf or a very long time. I actually just put up with a great deal of her abuse until about 7 years ago. After that all hell broke loose. She will barely even speak to her grandchildren now and I am not speaking to her at all. I am not sure how to get back into her life when I don't feel that she even really cares about me. She has refused treatment for many years now. I am lost as to what to do!.

[Kwamina]

Hi Mimi91

Welcome to our online community  I think many of our members can relate to what you express about not feeling sure if your mother really cares about you and not knowing how to move on from here. BPD is quite a serious disorder and the behavior people with BPD exhibit can be very diffiuclt to understand. It isn't necassarily that they don't love the people close to them, often it is that as a result of their distorted thinking and perception, they find it very hard to express their love in a loving manner. Their love might not feel like love at all, in fact it can feel very unhealthy, critical, hurtful and controlling and like the total opposite of love.

Your mother has not been diagnosed with BPD but has received diagnoses for other things. What has she been diagnosed with?

It is sad that your mother refuses treatment. That's the reality for many of our members too that their BPD family-member unfortunately does not seek treatment. Do you feel like your mother even acknowledges that there might be something wrong with her behavior?

Havig firm boundaries is very important when dealing with BPD family-members as boundaries help us protect and preserve our own well-being. What happened 7 years ago when you decided to stand up to her?

Take care

The Board Parrot