Stuck between a rock and a hard place

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

My ex-BPD girlfriend and I got to a place where we were happy to be friends. I know they say that doesn't ever work, but that's where we were at, until an incident happened over 2 weeks ago. Now I'm being hated by her getting the total silent treatment. Being here before I know this will blow over eventually, but I have a good hunch that my ex has lied about me in to a close mutual friend of ours who I was fairly close to as part of her defence mechanism, and now she has ceased all contact with me too.

In my mind I just want to contact our mutual friend and let her know the truth that I never did nothing wrong, but I know that's probably not a great idea as her and my ex are best friends. I can handle the silent treatment, but the lies about me, especially to a friend is very hard to swallow and is the thing upsetting me the most.

It's happened before but that time my ex-BPD girlfriend lost her then best friend because she was smart enough to see through the lies about me, but this one I think is different, so not sure how to approach it. For now I'm simply going with no contact with either of them and hoping it will blow over... .

[woundedbull]

My ex-BPD girlfriend and I got to a place where we were happy to be friends. I know they say that doesn't ever work, but that's where we were at, until an incident happened over 2 weeks ago. Now I'm being hated by her getting the total silent treatment. Being here before I know this will blow over eventually, but I have a good hunch that my ex has lied about me in to a close mutual friend of ours who I was fairly close to as part of her defence mechanism, and now she has ceased all contact with me too.

In my mind I just want to contact our mutual friend and let her know the truth that I never did nothing wrong, but I know that's probably not a great idea as her and my ex are best friends. I can handle the silent treatment, but the lies about me, especially to a friend is very hard to swallow and is the thing upsetting me the most.

It's happened before but that time my ex-BPD girlfriend lost her then best friend because she was smart enough to see through the lies about me, but this one I think is different, so not sure how to approach it. For now I'm simply going with no contact with either of them and hoping it will blow over... .

[Mutt]

Hi woundedbull,

I can handle the silent treatment, but the lies about me, especially to a friend is very hard to swallow and is the thing upsetting me the most

Waiting for it to blow over is a good choice, there are two things that we can control, our thoughts and feelings, it sounds like drama between your ex-BPDgf and her best friend. If you put yourself in the middle, three people is a drama triangle, it will take longer for things to blow over if there's blame, drama etc... .along a triangle.

It sounds like you're split black too, it might also make that worse, have you been split black before? If so, for how long?

[Harley Quinn]

Hi woundedbull and welcome  

It's great that you found the site.  You're in the right place to get lots of support and understanding from others who have had similar experiences, some of whom have weathered these storms and come out of the other side.  It can be done.  

I'm sorry to hear that your friendship with your ex has hit rocky ground again.  How long were you together and is it a long time since your split?  I know you say that people think friendship isn't possible, yet every relationship is different and what works for you is what is important.  Would you want to resume the friendship once this blows over?

I can handle the silent treatment, but the lies about me, especially to a friend is very hard to swallow and is the thing upsetting me the most.

I can understand that must be very hard, especially if you value that person as a friend and their opinion of you matters to you.  Because of the close relationship they have with your ex it may be that they believe her, yet if they also know her well and know that she could be capable of mistruths then I'd tend to worry a little less about the impact on that opinion.  After all, they might just be giving your ex support right now because she needs that and their opinion of you could remain unaltered.  I think your decision to let sleeping dogs lie right now and allow things to calm is a wise one.  If you're right and contact will resume based on past history then you will get an opportunity to address this.

Meantime I'd suggest taking some time out for yourself and definitely take a look at some of the fantastic articles and tools on the site which can help you a great deal.  Keep reading and posting too.  

Love and light x

[woundedbull]

Thanks so much for the advice everyone, and yes it all makes sense and I have learnt from the past that trying to correct or justify yourself with something like this tends to make it a lot worse. So as hard as it is I am going to wait it out and just see what happens. It's always eventually ended up being ok. But the support from you all has been very helpful.

It sounds like you're split black too, it might also make that worse, have you been split black before? If so, for how long?

And to answer your question Mutt, yes I have been split blank a few times before. Longest was around 2 months, and that was after what I thought was a wonderful weekend away together and with friends, and then all of the sudden she woke up, told me I should go, and I never heard from her for 2 months ignoring any forms of communication from me.