Just needed to vent emotions

[roberto516]

So on Monday it will be 1 month of NC for me. I have her blocked on everything.

The past couple weeks I've been spending more social time with coworkers and they put pictures up on facebook. I'm sure she's seen them. I also published a 2nd novel and asked people on facebook to kindly share the amazon page where it is as a way to market it. I know some people have done it who are facebook friends so she has probably seen that too.

Here's the part that has me wondering. I woke up today and went on snapchat and my coworker has a photo of the beach saying she's at the town where my ex has a shore house. This coworker and my ex used to be friends (if you want to call it that) but have not seen each other in a very long time. This coworker goes down to the beach a lot but goes to other beach towns. The only time she has ever gone to this beach town has been to hang out with my ex.

So a part of me wonders if there isn't some subconscious thing going on where my ex has reached out to my coworker to hang out after all this time in this round about way of saying "look. I still do exist." And she is a very spiteful woman so I could imagine her seeing me spend time with former mutual coworkers would make her want to show "look. I can do it too."

It did take me for a shock and I have been ruminating in my head now wondering about all that stuff. I know it's just my anxiety when I have to deal with the unknown and being out of control.

I also realize a part of it could just be her not having a lot of real friends at all and wanting to find someone to do stuff with again. But I know her . It's just odd that we've been broken up minus a small recycle since january and she hasn't spoken to this coworker and then when I begin to spend time with people she is facebook friends with and they post pictures on facebook of us that she now all of a sudden wants to spend time with this person.

Thanks for reading. I am occupying my time to keep the thoughts away but I'm going to do a meditation  now to attend to these emotions which I'm trying to stuff down.

[Emotions]

How did the meditation go? It's been a week or so since I've meditated and I miss it... .I wouldn't get in the mind games of whether or not she is doing this to mess with you... .I was sure I knew my ex better than anyone, even her own parents, or anyone else... .she is someone else now, and I have NO IDEA why she does what she does, and if knew it would probably depress me... .what doesn't depress me is the control I have in my own time and thoughts. Almost relaxing at times... .take shelter in your self and every inch we mentally move away from exes thoughts is an inch closer to calmness... .peace love and virtue be with you my friend... .

[roberto516]

The meditation was good. I have an app called "insight timer" and I have a go to meditaton on accepting the unknown. It led to a good cry which is what I needed.

Yeah I'm not gonna ruminate on why or why not something is happening. I just didn't want to suppress the feelings or pretend it wasn't something I was thinking about. Naturally, a part f me thought "if it's true than you are still a thought to her" but then I quickly reminded myself "everything she ever did was for herself so you aren't a thought to her." I've actually accepted it's over and I would never go back no matter what. Just look at this as another test to decipher and manage my emotions in a more constructive way.

Thanks for the reply.

[flourdust]

This looks like a lot of progress, roberto! 

If I can summarize... .

You moved on with your life and had a productive month with positive social interactions.

You saw something that made you start to ruminate about your ex.

You meditated. You cried.

You felt better, and didn't feel a need to keep ruminating.

That's fantastic!