how do I deal with this?

[Rogue1]

My adult child has BPD tendencies. When answering the questions this child's behavior lines up with BPD. A counselor said it sounds like she has BPD but cannot diagnosis her without seeing her. This child refuses to accept she needs counseling. She is in her 20's and does not live with me. However, anything can set her off and then she will keep calling me. If I do not answer my phone she will just keep calling until I do. If I block her number she will start calling other members of the family. If I do talk to her she screams at me and tells me how horrible I am and makes everything about her. I don't know what to do when she calls and does this. This affects me physically, my heart pounds, my chest hurts, I shake and feel sick to my stomach. She used to be physical when she was younger but has not physically tried to hurt me for many years. However, the yelling and manipulation that occurs is even worse than the physically trying to hurt me was. I feel extremely stressed. I don't want to be around her. I feel so alone and hopeless.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello Rogue1 and welcome BDFamily 

I'm so sorry to hear what you are dealing with, your daughter's behaviour and the emotional and physical strain you are feeling, many parents here are dealing with similar situations, you are not alone. 

The advice you'll read here and from members is to look after ourselves first, to put our oxygen mask on first, like talking to a counsellor you mention can help us work through. Is this your counsellor R1?

At the top of the parents board is Lessons, What can a parent do?] it was my go to when I joined along with the tools and lessons to the right  that help us change the way we communicate, how to step out of their drama, communicate boundaries and limits.

We are here for you R1, do you have a friend or family member you can talk to?

Sending you a big hug from me, can you let us know how you are?

WDx