help me be strong

[Sheila3636]

He texts me today, this very sweet "i miss u" bla bla. He wants to take me to lunch Sat. I don't want to see him anymore, its always nice after the NC period, he tries to worm his way back into my life.

I miss him but if we get back its all going to start all over again. Help me ... .what do i do, text him back, ignore him? If I text what do i say? I haven't done anything so far.

[Mutt]

Hi Sheila3636,



it sounds like there's a specific pattern that he follows after a breakup. If you're not interested, you could send him a short text declining the offer, keep it short and say that you're busy with something, be vague and not specific. If he pushes and wants to know more than something that I learned her that I use nearly every day is to not JADE. Think "I'll set the boundary on myself and I won't JADE ( Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain )

The other option is to not respond at all if you're choice is no contact, are you worried about hurtful my his feelings if you don't respond back? I MEP thinking about how saying no or not communicating back with my ex would hurt her feelings. We're not responsible for other people's feelings, if someone doesn't respect me, is not reciprocal in the r/s, sees me as means to end for them , disrespects my boundaries, I have a right to self protect.

No contact is about self protection, it gives you the adequate time and space to recoup, heal your wounds and not expose yourself to bad behaviour directed at you.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Sheila,

Can you tell us a little about how the NC came about?  Who instigated this? 

You mention that you've had NC before... .  So I agree with Mutt, it looks like there is a pattern that he expects to continue.  Something I found extremely useful to consider before going NC and for knowing if I was correct in standing firm on sticking with it after the breakup was the following article.  You may have read it before, and as with all the articles on this site I find recapping refreshes for me the useful insights within.  Here's the link:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/no-contact-right-way-wrong-way

How would the NC usually end between you?  Doing the same things will bring the same results so if you are seeking change we need to consider a different approach.  It may be that you are set on a permanent split and this isn't clear to your ex.  There may need to be some clarification here unless you've already done that?  Breaking NC can have the opposite effect however, so let's think about it first.   

Love and light x