triangles

[annernan]

Anyone have the experience with a loved one with BPD who creates triangles in your relationships? Like... .if there are 2 siblings they are always mad at one and happy with the other... .they can't ever be happy with both of them? Or they play people against each other, where they have a good relationships with someone at the expense of that person's relationship with yours?
Is there a word for this? What is the psychological reasoning behind it?

[DaughterOfHera]

I have no idea what this is called, but my uBPDmother does this all the time.  She has two sisters and has continuously been in this type of dynamic with them.  Back when my sister and I were children, she would create this between the 3 of us.  When she was married to her second husband, she would sometimes treat my sister and I as one person --- "the kids" --- and her husband as the 3rd person... .she would create situations when she would either be on the outs with us or the outs with him and she would even set us up to be in opposition to each other.  (Sometimes it seems like she can't help it, other times it seems intentional... .I throw up my hands... .I dunno!  )  There always has to be someone that she is on the outs with and someone who she treats like her back-up buddy, so to speak.

[annernan]

Yes! Thanks for adding to the description! I was having a hard time putting it into words.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Annernan! 

Welcome! So glad you've come to join us!
Yes, this triangle phenomenon has a name. It is called triangulation and frequently seen amongst family dynamics, especially common in those with BPD. Here is a link about it:

Escaping Conflict

It is very good that you've been able to observe and figure out that this is happening.  Kudos!
How often do you see this dynamic playing out?

 
Wools

[Coral]

What you're describing is called Karpman's Triangle or it's another game called "Let's you and him fight."  You can google either of these phrases for definitions.  If I had the time, I'd write but I have to cut this short.  Simply put, there's no victory except to "not play."