Feeling the urge to contact others in my pwBPD's life

[LoveLostHeart]

I really feel the urge of contacting these people and ask. But the main person in this story has committed suicide last december so I can't contact him. I have had contact with one of her former sexual partners but he sort of replied and then stopped answering after he found out we weren't together anymore. She claims he was trying to contact her straight after that... I just don't know who or what to believe any longer.

[Mutt]

Hi LoveLostHeart,



I can relate with your post, I wanted to reach my ex inlaws and my exuBPDw's friends to tell them my side of the story and to try to convince them to help my exuBPDw get help for BPD. Family and friends tend to be loyal, her best friend called me a monster, she didn't tell me what my ex said about me but it probably wasn't very good. That said, what's your reason to get in touch with people in your pwBPD's life?

[LoveLostHeart]

That said, what's your reason to get in touch with people in your pwBPD's life?

Hmm good question. It is mainly because of trust issues. I just don't trust her anymore, but I was never able to prove any significant lies. I hear some many stories from other people around her, but these are people she is having a fight with at the moment. She told me otherwise. I just hate it that I am torn apart between different stories. I just want to be able to trust her again, or just have confirmation she was lying.
So my own mind is driving me crazy with what she is up to, and also what she has been during our time together. I understand this is not healthy though, and I understand it will make no difference to all the other problems we had. It's just how my mind works at the moment. I feel like I want to be in control. Spotting some controlling issues here myself.
Even her mother told me she is a real con in turning the discussion around to make it my(or for example her mothers) fault instead of hers. Sometimes it feels like I am in denial of her condition since no-one ever gave me an official diagnosis.

[SuperJew82]

Mine was engaging is dangerous activities after I ended the relationship. I felt a moral obligation to talk to her sister about what she was doing. Surprisingly we were on the same page and it was a very constructive conversation. It led to her family doing an intervention.

Hopefully good will come out of it.

That being said. I am not exaggerating about the dangerous activities aspect. I would not have done if her physical health was not at risk.

After that - I never contacted anyone she knew again. My job was done and I could sleep at night... .well sorta. It was not done for my personal gain or emotional need.

I still miss her and think about her a little every day... .look I'm here on this website, right?

[Mutt]

I feel like I want to be in control. Spotting some controlling issues here myself.

I had similar feelings in the context that I had a lot of anger after she had abandoned me, took what little money we had, her affair partner practically moved in with her, she didn't give me reasonable access to the kids, I was paying our debt that she refused to pay and couldn't afford legal counsel. I felt like this was going to be really tough to climb out of, I wanted to show her that I was going to win. I always thought of taking control as taking control of yourself, something that a pwBPDd struggle with. On that front I have complete control.