How do I stop feeling guilty

[Depression = 72% of members]

My significant other finally realised that I had enough, and has agreed to couples counselling as an attempt to "fix" the relationship.  After 3 years of the erosion of my love with his behaviour, lack of trust and refusal until now to even consider help, I have no love for him... but battling with guilt about what will happen to him. We have our own company, and live together which makes it even more difficult.

[Sadandmad]

My significant other finally realised that I had enough, and has agreed to couples counselling as an attempt to "fix" the relationship.  After 3 years of the erosion of my love with his behaviour, lack of trust and refusal until now to even consider help, I have no love for him... but battling with guilt about what will happen to him. We have our own company, and live together which makes it even more difficult.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

Hello Sadandmad,

I'm sorry for your pain, it sounds like you feel stuck in a very difficult and sad situation.  Can you give us some more background?

What made you first believe that BPD was a factor in your relationship?  What have you learned about it so far?

What behaviors have been particularly troubling to you?

Wentworth

[hope2727]

SO sorry you are experiencing this. These relationships can be all consuming and drain us in ways that are difficult to explain to others. Your situation sounds very difficult with a business in common. There have been other contributors here in similar situations. You are not alone. Keep reading and keep posting. Tell us more about yourself and your situation. Read the lessons as they do help. Come back regularly even if it is just to vent. We get it. hugs

[waverider]

I think it is the loss of respect that has set in. Even understanding the behaviour makes it difficult to restore. Lack of respect is like a cancer to a relationship, it slowly eats away and undermines all interactions.

As far as the guilt is concerned it comes down to acceptance that we are not wholly responsible for others no matter how dependent they may seem to be. Feeling guilty also makes you feel trapped, which feeds back into the resentment issue.

If you can step back objectively and see that the world is not going end for either of you, then it may ease the guilt which in turn may reduce this lack of respect and resentment you feel.

How you feel right now is not be forever, but you need to untangle that knot so that you can centre yourself again. You may then see him in a different light.