We need help

[Cape to Wings]

I'm a mother of an adult child with BPD (who has a 2 yr old baby).  Both now living in our home.
I'm now exhausted, angry and resentful ... .that we are all in this mess ... .and sentenced to this insatiable chaos, for the rest of our god given lives.   
My husband and I need help, feeling dramatically hopeless.
Our grand baby needs help, and support from internalizing.
Our child needs help.
Anybody out there?  so lost, I can't get out of bed. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Cape to Wings

Yes, we are here for you   I read your introductory post from late July, your daughter has since moved in to your home and caused chaos, to the point you are exhausted, angry, resentful. So lost you can't get out of bed is concerning. It's really important we make time to look after ourselves first including reaching out for help to make changes. Have you spoken to your doctor to see what support may be available or considered counselling to help you and your H work through what you are dealing with? It really can help.

WDx

[heronbird]

Are you in the UK? There is a group for families to help them.
It must be so hard for you, its so chaotic, I understand that, we have been through a long time of it too.
Would take too long to write it all down.
Is there anywhere you can go for support? do you have a good friend you trust that you can talk to.

I ended up seeing a therapist and getting some CBT, and now on anti depressants, they are helping. I am also going through menopause, so its even worse.

Life with a person with BPD is like a roller coaster, and I have tried to learn that I dont always have to get on the ride.
My daughter is 23, she has a 4 year old but hardly sees him, the dysfunctional dad has him, hes controlling and possessive, we have to be on our best behaviour with him all the time in case he stops us seeing our grandson. Grandson has problems too

[Huat]

Aw Cape-to-Wings... .this is a (HUG)... .from me to you! 

You ask... ."Anybody out there?"  The answer is... .YES... .YES!... .we are hearing you, Cape-to-Wings!  We reach out to support you on this difficult journey.  This should not happen to any parent/grandparent.  Sadly, it does... .to some of us.

My grandchildren are now 25/27 and I well remember the feelings you write about... .absolute despair at times.  Our daughter was a single mother with severe emotional problems when our precious grandbabies were born.  I worried about them and worried about how much authority we had when we tried to make things better.  We put our lives on hold for many years as we struggled to do what we could do... .what we had to do... .when we could do it.

Interspersed with the heartache, though, joy was to be found in sometimes the littlest things and I do have memories that I treasure and try to focus on.

I echo what has been written by Heronbird and Wendydarling as they encourage you seek professional help for yourself... .your doctor... .a counsellor.  Every now and then in years past when I felt my lifeline was slipping, I reached out for that kind of assistance to get me back on track.

People participating on this forum will be reading your posts, Cape-to-Wings... .responding to validate your feelings and urging you on.  Stick with us!