Hi Not sure where to start..

[Piopkins]

Hi, This is my first post. I came across this forum while desperately looking for answers to help me deal with my Mum. She is mid 70s,s I am mid 50s and I have 5 children all in their 20s, and 30s. Mum has not been diagnosed with BPD but I am confident she has it. There are so many stories I could tell over the years that confirm it in my mind.  She is manipulative, has no empathy for anyone, cannot think about how someone else might feel about any given situation, She is constantly trying to drive a wedge between myself and my children to the point one of my daughters actually said to me Granma thinks she is my mother... .She will not call or visit anyone, we all have ot visit her, if we dont its oh they dont care... .Its like i am constantly at her beck and call or I will hear about it. My adult children are all very good, they call her weekly, she lives about 2 hours away. But when they call her all she wants to do is grumble, moan and put all other family members down... .then she will talk to another one and do the same thing. We will say no granma we arent going to be grumpy today but she always takes the conversation back to a negative aspect. My youngest son pulled her up on it last week nicely in a firm but respectful manner. Now she is saying he is not her grandson, she will never forgive him and never wants to see him again... .What the heck She has even told my son, that he is lucky she didn't suicide over his comment... .how would he have felt then... .We are all over it... .I don't want to cut her out of my life but Im tired... .tired of the BS. I couldn't even contemplate telling her what I think she has. Oh my Lordy it would be world war 3! She thinks she is always right, and is better and smarter than the everyday person. 
When my husband was terminally ill 3 years ago, I didnt even tell her that I had told the drs to turn off the life support, but I told my brother, knowing he would be straight on the phone to her. She sent me a phone message saying dont be upset he wasn't even a good husband. Yeah thanks Mum.
Just recently my Dad died and Mum was in her element. Im sure a lot of it was her way of hiding from the reality of losing her lifelong love but she really was in her element. People every where, the whole family and friends came from here and overseas to attend his funeral. She was the centre of attention and loved every minute of it, and for a few months we felt like we had a real Mum. Sadly it only lasted as long as the attention did. I understand she is grieving but all of these behaviours we would see before we lost Dad, and yes we are grieving too. She would not even realise that. Every single conversation held with her comes back to how she is a grieving widow... .Does this sound like BPD or am i overreacting?

[auspicium]

Hi, I am brand new to these boards, though not brand new to the Disorder.  I am a retired social worker, serving women, children and high-risk populations.  I am not a psychologist, nor have I ever played one on television.  You asked: ":)oes this sound like BPD or am i overreacting?"  Whatever the behaviors are or are not, it sounds like you are asking for support, just as I am, and hopefully, we find it here.  Now that I have been reading more about communication with a person with this disorder, the more I see my mistakes and I think that is key to maintaining any semblance of healthy boundaries.  I cannot control my DIL's hurtful, hateful, and sometimes bizarre behaviors, but, I can attempt to control my responses to them without enabling the behavior.  Easier said than done, though, right?   Support for us is essential, yes?  Just having a safe place to say the things I am saying has been a relief for me, my hope is that it will provide some comfort for you.