These people don't change

[papayagirl]

You sound a lot like me the first time my ex disappeared so I'm going to be real with you while also telling you what I know you want to hear.

She probably will come back. My ex came back and time and time again, and after a month and a half, just as I thought I would never hear from him again, he came back. I'm not saying he didn't have feelings for me still, but it also had to do with the fact that he was lonely and knew I'd be there. So just remember that when she comes back.

Do you know what happened when I saw him again? He told me he wanted to be with me then less than a week later had a new girlfriend.

These people don't change. The issues will still be there when they return. Remember that and try to move on. He did me dirty the first time, but the second time around I had pain that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. He posted stuff on social media with her one night, and I cried so hard I almost threw up.

Dont do it to yourself. Don't let her come back.

[Mutt]

Hi papayagirl,



Thanks for sharing your wisdom. Some people do change, some people don’t. Think about it this way, if you were to change your personality how difficult would that be on a scale of 1 to 10?

The issues will still be there when they return.

Your problems don’t fix themselves by swapping people in and out as hard as that is for us to hear. We invested a lot, probably way too much in the r/s and it hurts us when we’re not validated, not given closure, we have families together, dreams etc... .

To be fair, nons promote this too, get back on the horse to get over your ex. I was reading an article about this, the author was married to her husband for a long time and he passed away. Within three weeks some friends and family were telling her to get back out there to find some to have a r/s with. Personally I’d take offrande to that but I can also see that they probably don’t know what to say or how to help, they’re just trying to help you.That made me pause and think about pwBPD and how it’s offensive to us that they do it, but it’s okay for nons to advocate this to nons.

[AnuDay]

Great analogy Mutt,
I'm working on my personality everyday.  It's like turning around a cargo ship in the ocean.  Very slow and lengthy process.  Can't imagine what it would be like for someone with BPD who may not even be aware of their problem or the root cause of it. 

[itgetsbetter94]

For someone soo emotional, so sensitive, so hurt and frightened and lost, they seem to be moving pretty fast and with the lot of success. :-/

We are the only ones who actually get hurt and completely shattered.  My psychiatrist tells me she treats more people who were partners of people with BPD that the actual people who have BPD. How crazy is that?