New to the group, daughter with BPD (we think)

[brrian]

Hello all & happy holidays.

I'm new to the group, found it through references from the book "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder" which I've started reading.

Several weeks ago our daughter threatened suicide & may have had plans in place (we intervened). We started getting help & got her into therapy & after two sessions there was another incident and threat; we intervened again and took her to the hospital. She then spent a week in a behavioral health facility, and the morning we took her there a nurse recognized symptoms of BPD. We knew nothing about BPD but from that day forward I've been researching it and talking to my daughter about it, and we all (her included) believe it's what she has. Her diagnosis out of  treatment was severe depression & anxiety (bizzarely, even though the nurse recognized BPD, it was not a part of her diagnosis).

She was started on Prozac (20mg) and is three weeks into it - she's had some side effects, all manageable but she doesn't seem to think it's working yet. We know it can take a few weeks and are patiently waiting to see what happens.

So, she's not officially diagnosed but she, my wife and I, and her therapist all think it's BPD. She'll see a psychiatrist in early January & maybe the diagnosis will officially come there.

I've been reading everything I can about BPD & its treatments, particularly DBT. Her therapist practices DBT. We're just getting started, but we're working on changes to improve our relationship with her, especially by validating her (instead of invalidating as we've unknowingly done in the past).

My daughter wants to 'get better' & listens to us and her therapist tell her about what works (DBT). She knows that it has to come from her. She has to be open to making changes and willing to use what she learns. She hasn't really embraced it yet though. Instead she seems to be trying to avoid the things that work her up.

I'm being patient & understand this is a process. I talk to her when she's open to talking about it (which has been more often recently, which is good). I'm dealing with anxiety now though. I never have until all of this, and my anxiety rises and falls with how I perceive her to be. When she seems good, my anxiety disappears. If I can tell she's struggling, it goes through the roof. I've lost about 15 pounds & haven't felt 'myself' in weeks.

So here I am. I'll be asking for help with how to talk to her, respond to her, help her, and help myself (and our family).  Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for whatever you all have to offer us!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Brrian  

I'd like to welcome you to the community I'm glad you found us though sorry what brings you here.   Your current situation sounds similar to what mine was in 2015 (BPD/Depression/Anxiety), and your daughter appears open to the diagnosis, to talking with you when she's open for that and says she wants to get better.  Your approach seems similar to that I've taken. You are right to be patient (now my middle name  ), this is a process and recovery/management happens at the pace that works for our loved one. We can't change them though we can make personal changes ourselves to provide emotional support to their journey. The site has a lot of communication tools that can help a lot and great support and understanding from parents.

Brrian I certainly relate to how you feel your anxiety rises and falls with how you perceive her to be is understandable, it's a hard place to be and requires management, you are following her emotional suffering, it's easy to get consumed. This is where we need to put our care first through the tools and lessons here to your right, lead by example,  . I learnt this is no race it's like preparing for a marathon and requires strength and balance. Have you considered counselling or therapy to help you through, many members have found this helpful.

I want to share this workshop with you I found helpful 1.06 Radical Acceptance for Family Members (DBT) Mindfulness is woven throughout all of the DBT skill modules such as the distress tolerance module on accepting reality and  emotion regulation on letting go of emotional suffering.

Welcome again, let us know how we can help, we are here to support you through.

WDx