20 yr old daughter w BPD n adhd

[RollercoasterS]

I've been thru two years of sheer hell including ( by her) three suicide attempts, cutting, drug addiction, alcohol dependency, verbal and near physical abuse and deception, manipulation and love you hate you... .u r throwing me outa the house before xmas... .
Just did all the reading n it's all at least fallen into place in that it's part of a documented condition... .how the hell did she get it? And how will she ever have a happy, independent life?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

   Welcome to our parent board. Your daughter is struggling with so much, and you are caught up  in it because you love her and want her to find a happy, independent life. I am in the same boat. Only my DD is 31 now. I have come to accept that my definitions of success really do not apply to her life. She is having to define them for herself.

DD was a troubled soul from a very young age with ADHD, severe learning disabilities and high anxiety. The BPD became a part of the picture with dx at age 23. I began to see a shift in her ability to accept a bit of responsibility for her part in things after about age 25, at least when she wasn't using drugs. She was a binge user then -- part of the social structure with her friends. I am grateful she has been clean for more than 10 months and is taking steps in many ways to get her life moving in a positive direction. She still struggles daily with all of the above, but no longer screams blame at me. I actually feel appreciation from her for the help we are providing her and her small family (partner and new son).

The suicidal piece always makes our choices as the parent riskier and more difficult. Does you DD accept therapy? meds? Has she been able to try rehab of any kind?  This was also a shift for my DD over 2 years ago when she was court ordered (on probation for harassment) into 3 seperate programs with mental health and drug use support. She accepted doing the first one before I would bail her out of jail. Then the other two experiences came later. She had failed to participate in several other rehab opportunities over the years -- she just wasn't ready then.

My message is to hang in there. Check out the tools and lessons in the sidebar -- practice, practice, practice with everyone in your life. It took some changes within myself before I could support the changes my DD was able to make.

Please keep on posting -- it helps to share our stories. Have hope. Things can get better.

carol