Need Advice on BPD Male and what he really thinks

[Confused1017]

Hi Everyone,

I have been feeling very confused over a guy I met at the end of June 2017.  He approached me, he came on very strong- wanted me to meet his kids within 2-3 weeks of knowing him, which I thought was way too soon.    

This guy had told me on a few lucid occasions that he knows he has issues- I am Sure he has BPD- he exhibits many of the traits.   HE even suspects it, but I don't think he was ever formally diagnosed - just with anxiety and depression.   He FREAKS out over the Littlest of Things; it is very strange to me.  He does NOT let things go- even minor, tiny incidents, whether it be with me, or with his 6 & 9 year old daughters or Anyone!   I've never dealt with ANYTHING like this Before.  So, he came on very, very strong - he even Cried, like HYsterically Cried, when he knew me for only about 4 WEEKS OR LESS, because he told me he had something to admit to me, and he made me Promise NOT to stop seeing him.  A few months later, he started acting more aloof and distant, and would sometimes say that He LIKES me - he Always wanted to spend TIME with me, with his kids and WITHOUT his kids also.   His children really liked me- And I really like kids, so that was not an issue.  But then he would say that I am "not his girlfriend."  But I have caught him STARING at me/my face MANY Times, staring, as in, I like you romantically, Not as just a friend.  Even Recently he's done that.  But sometimes when I feel him staring and look up, he will just look away and pretend he wasn't looking.?  It's so strange!  I've also seen him act jealous with me- asking who is calling me and texting me.   I don't understand why he is Now denying he likes me as more than a friend and being more distant.

I've never had a romantic involvement with anyone with BPD Before (that I'm aware of), but I really, really need some guidance and advice, because his behavior is SO Confusing to me - he blames everything on me too!  And he has said on multiple occasions that I caused him anxiety - but he seems like he was ALWAYS Anxious over Every Little THing- way before he even Knew Me?

I'm sorry for the long rant, this has just been mentally VERY Draining for me and I have NO experience with this.   Any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated!    

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[snowwhite]

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[Tattered Heart]

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[5xFive]

Hi Confused.
I’m so  sorry to hear about your struggles. It’s really difficult to be with someone who experiences stress differently than we do. Most of us here know exactly what you’re going though and I’m so glad that you joined BPD family. Welcome!
My advice to you would be to read the skills and tools workshops. They help me SO much when I’m struggling with my pwBPD. You can find them on the right of your screen ->
For me, the first and most important skill for me to work on, and one that I am STILL working on, is do not JADE. This stands for justify, argue, defend, and explain. So difficult to keep from doing when we are confused.
Keep posting here- it helps!

[DaddyBear77]

Hi Confused1017 

First of all, I'm glad you found this site and I really hope you're finding some good, helpful information about BPD and BPD traits. We've got a lot of resources here and it can be overwhelming at times, so please, ask us if you have any questions.

What you're describing sounds very much like the Push / Pull dynamic that's a very common behavior many of us see. There's a thread on our Psychology Question and Answers board linked here where a few members have discussed this in the past. 5xFive also pointed out the skills and tools workshops on the right, and I'll emphasize the first one, Understanding your partner's behaviors - this is a great place to start if you haven't seen it already.

It's been a couple weeks so I wanted to check in and see if you were finding some useful information, and see how things have been going for you recently. Please give us an update when you have a chance!