Boyfriend with BPD is emailing explicit pictures online

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello everyone!
These days I am facing a new challenge, still not knowing how thid makes me feel.
I’ve recently found out that my bwBPD is emailing men with naked pictures and stuff about anal sex. Now, if this topic is in some way inappropriate, please delete! As I found out sneaking on his emails (wish I never did!) I can’t really tell him all I know, because, although he’s never been violent or physically aggressive, I fear that this might trigger an explosion. What I did is to talk around it. I asked if he was cheating, or had intention to and he said no no and bla bla. What makes me think he’s actually not gonna meet any of those people is that his mum (he lives with her) said that he almost never leave the house when I’m not around, if not for short period of time. I also tested if he was telling the truth about where he was and for how lo g, and so far, he hasn’t been lieing.
I approached him in the cheating talking, guessing more than I could have without knowing about the emails, and being quite blunt about the fact that I thought he wanted to meet someone, maybe a man. The reaction was good, we talked a lot, but he never admitted what he was doing.
I’ve also been away for few days and saw that he wasn’t emailing anyone in that period, but he started again the day I was back.
Now, I don’t think he’s gonna go trough with that, I think it’s a game he’s playing, but obviously it makes me a bit paranoid and controlling, which is not usually in my character.
Does anyone has a similar experience? Does anyone have an idea on how to explain this?
It’s really getting into my head!

[L_london]

Hello everyone!
These days I am facing a new challenge, still not knowing how thid makes me feel.
I’ve recently found out that my bwBPD is emailing men with naked pictures and stuff about anal sex. Now, if this topic is in some way inappropriate, please delete! As I found out sneaking on his emails (wish I never did!) I can’t really tell him all I know, because, although he’s never been violent or physically aggressive, I fear that this might trigger an explosion. What I did is to talk around it. I asked if he was cheating, or had intention to and he said no no and bla bla. What makes me think he’s actually not gonna meet any of those people is that his mum (he lives with her) said that he almost never leave the house when I’m not around, if not for short period of time. I also tested if he was telling the truth about where he was and for how lo g, and so far, he hasn’t been lieing.
I approached him in the cheating talking, guessing more than I could have without knowing about the emails, and being quite blunt about the fact that I thought he wanted to meet someone, maybe a man. The reaction was good, we talked a lot, but he never admitted what he was doing.
I’ve also been away for few days and saw that he wasn’t emailing anyone in that period, but he started again the day I was back.
Now, I don’t think he’s gonna go trough with that, I think it’s a game he’s playing, but obviously it makes me a bit paranoid and controlling, which is not usually in my character.
Does anyone has a similar experience? Does anyone have an idea on how to explain this?
It’s really getting into my head!

[formflier]

Trying to "trick the system" is likely not going to work with a normal system or a disordered person.

I can't imagine you get a satisfactory conversation without coming clean about what you know and how you know it.

There is wrongdoing and breach of trust on your part.  Be ready to own that.

Also be ready to own and let the "elephant sit in the room" that you had a reason and a "basis in fact" for the snooping.  Said another way... .your intuition was correct.

So... what are you doing to do about that?

Can the breach of trust from you be healed?  Do you want to heal it, given what you know?

Can he forgive, reconcile and move forward?  Does he want to?

Listen... .said/asked another way.  If he is having sex with men... .are you ok with this?  If he is "flirting" with me online... .are you ok with this? 

If you are NOT... .should you even proceed with the earlier issues?

Basically... .sort out your values... .so you can be stable in your approach as you move forward.

Sorry you are dealing with this... .     

FF

[Mutt]

Hi L_london,

Now, I don’t think he’s gonna go trough with that, I think it’s a game he’s playing,

I don't understand what the point of his game would be. He's sending naked pictures of himself. Do you feel like at the bare minimum that he might be having an emotional affair?