Left my gf, moved back home and have been NC for 2 weeks.

[BiPxtn2424]

I left my GF (who I believe to have BPD, or a similar mental disorder) about 2 weeks ago while on vacation with her in Italy. She had invited me there to spend the summer and spent the entire time going out with other people (guys) and texting the same guy for a month. I found plan B in her purse while looking for some Euros and confronted her about it. She lied about it multiple times but eventually confessed a month later to "getting raped" by someone who was driving her back to her car. She cheated on me once in the past that I know of for sure. I basically forced her to tell her parents about the situation because I had been dealing with her depression/suicidal  behaviors all through college. Her parents were upset for me not believing her, even though she told nobody and didn't even get checked for STDs.

I had enough and after another 2 weeks decided to fly home early and leave her. I walked out the door and never looked back, while she started to bawl. Haven't contacted her besides sending an email telling her she can pick up her computer if she flies back to the states, and to stop badmouthing me on facebook (she posted that I was not to be trusted and that I was a monster... .)

Before I left she asked if I would stay if she went to therapy, or if we could stay together if she came back with me to the states. I said no, its over. A part of me thinks she was lying about everything during the 3 years of our relationship. How can someone be so heartless? Literally every 6 months there would be another episode of "did she cheat on me?"

I feel good about my decision to finally leave her, but how do you get over so much time spent with a possible BPD/Sociopath?

Does this sound like a BPD at all to you?

[DogMan75]

Man, it’s not easy.

I think the best way is to try to view it through a lens of compassion. Yes, they are really messed up, legitimately mentally ill, but they’re not sociopaths. Sociopaths don’t feel, BPDs feel too much and don’t know how to handle it.

Everyone here has been wronged terribly by their exes and it’s painful in a way that’s impossible to understand if you haven’t been through it. I’ve been through a million breakups before, but I’ve never felt the need to join an online support group for it. With this breakup, I don’t know what I’d do without it.

It’s crazy just how crazy it is. Most normal relationships that fail between normal healthy people fail in normal, predictable ways. BPD relationships fail in ways that baffle us, ways we don’t understand and can’t really explain. I know I’ll still be trying to wrap my head around it for a very long time.

One thought I keep repeating to myself again and again is that in a year, I will be fine. Maybe a little longer, maybe not even that long, but that’s not important. What’s important is that I will get over this, for sure, and get on with my life. Her? I really don’t know. She may very well go on like this forever, and for that, I truly feel bad for her.

She has a mental illness that she obviously can’t control, and while she’s hurt me, deeply, I know I’ll get over it someday. She may not. Her life is truly tragic and I pity her.

There’s no silver bullet in dealing with this kind of pain, but for me, it helps to remind myself that as badly as I’m hurting right now, I have to remember that she has a bone fide mental illness and deserves my compassion.

That’s not to say it’s easy, but I’m trying.