My Adult Child

[Leecet]

My daughter, in her early 20s, is living in another state.  She is struggling.  But is employed and living without our assistance.

I’ve spent nearly a year researching and reading almost all available materials on BPD, and am certain she has BPD. She’s never been diagnosed with BPD, but has had years of therapy including hospitalization at a prominent teaching hospital.  BPD has never even been mentioned.

My question in this initial posting is:  do I tell her this is what I suspect she’s struggling with? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bluek9]

WELCOME Leecet,

           What a great question you ask. You mentioned that she has been hospitalized, what was that for? Were there behaviors going on? So often we find that BPD people suffer in other ways, depression, anxiety, suicidal thought, addictions. How do you think she would receive a conversation about mental health issues? For me when I want to share something with my BPDD I ask her if I can share something I've learned with her. Or I ask if I can share an observation with her. Like "I notice you seem to have some behaviors I just read about, can I tell you about it"? It's hard to be the parent and see things in our children when they are struggling. I'm glad you're here. There are many other parents here who will share with you. Keep posting, I'd like to know what you decide.

[Feeling Better]

Hello Leecet,

I would like to join bluek9 in welcoming you here.

You say that you’ve spent nearly a year researching and reading almost all available materials on BPD, can I ask you, what led you to research about BPD in particular?

Telling a loved one that you suspect that they are struggling because of BPD can be really tricky. Some people can deal with being told whilst others can’t. This is just my opinion, others may see things differently; I think it wouldn’t be a good idea to tell her of your suspicions, simply because that is all that they are, suspicions. I think there may also be a chance that she could turn against you if you were to tell her.