Daughter in law keeps creating drama where there shouldn't be any

[joanlee]

Hello
Back again after a few years. I visited this site many times before my divorce from my BPD husband. Now I am back because, after 11 years, I realize my daughter in law is the same way.
I never did understand her, she is very secretive and doesn't share herself much. My son is an empath, which makes sense, coming from our family. I am so sad for him, because he is miserable, and she has taken total control of him. He can't see it. He and I were always close, but just the past few years, he has been angry with me and I can't figure out why. He criticizes me like never before, telling me 'you always have to be right', and 'you always have to have the last word'. This was never an issue before, and we never had any real drama in our lives until she came into the picture. In a recent drama crisis, she called me an 'ass' to my daughter, and told me that I go around talking badly about other people, including 'fat people'. ? What? News to me! Anyway, the worst part of this, is that I have tried to make her part of the family, and tried to stay out of their hair... .I don't want to be a meddling mother in law. So I get blamed for not seeing them enough. They have two adorable kids that I love so much. My daughter and son live in the same town, but I hardly ever see them or the grandkids. I have helped with caring for the kids, making dinners (because they both work and are busy), and trying to help them out. I actually thought my DIL liked me. Come to find out she dislikes me, and I never knew it. She is very inflexible, and expects people to do as she says. If someone changes a plan, watch out. What's so funny is that she's projected this onto me, saying I'm the one who expects people to do what I want them to. I am feeling so sad and it's so unfair. Now they are not speaking to me, because I'm such a horrible person. So I have to accept the fact that I probably won't see my darling kids for a long time. I am so disappointed in my son, and don't know what to do but wait. I just can't believe it's even happening. I am so thankful I went to Al-Anon a few years back, and still remember the tools to use for self preservation. But I never thought it would come to this, and not sure where to go from here. Right now I'm just waiting for time to do its thing. This is a great blog, thanks for being here.

[Turkish]

It sounds like the r/s between you and your daughter has changed as well.  Do you think she is siding with your DIL and son, or am I not interpreting this correctly? What precipitated DIL acting like this?

[Angie59]

Hello Joanlee!   

I jointed this group a few months ago and I wish I had learned by this point enough to offer an opinion or reply of some kind, but I am stuck in the same boat as you.  My youngest son has a uBPD fiancee and she is wreaking havoc on our lives. 

My screen name is Angie59 and if you would like to read past threads, it would be better than going through all of it again.  I am going to see my therapist this evening and am hoping she can get me calmed down and help me get on the right path, along with the wonderful people on this site.

I feel your pain.  For me, it is feeling like a no win situation.  Damn if I do and damn if I don't.  I started out with yesterday anxiety, which then turned into a lot of anger, which then turned in to depression today.   I feel like I am on a emotional roller coaster all the time. 

All I can off at this point in my journey is to know you are not alone and you really do have a similar situation as I do. 

Hang in there and hope to communicate again!

Angie59