How do I deal with the verbal abuse?

[dredgie]

Hi, My 27 year old daughter was diagnosed with BPD 4 years ago. We have developed a pattern of interacting that is very upsetting to me and I don't think I can do it anymore. We seem to get along for 2-3 weeks talking every few days and seeing each other once or twice then she gets in a fight with me about something I said or did. She starts yelling at me so I tell her I need to hang up. Then she sends me 4-10 long abusive texts. I finally stop them by blocking her on my phone. We don't talk for 3-4 weeks then she gets in touch with me again because she misses me.
The same  pattern occurs again. The texts are very upsetting to me  - this up and down roller coaster is just exhausting and I'm considering not seeing or talking to her except for a few times a year on birthdays and holidays.
Any suggestions for alternative ways to deal with this?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello dredgie, welcome to the son/daughter board.

You say that you and your daughter have developed a pattern of interacting that is very upsetting to you and which you don’t want to participate in anymore, that’s a very wise decision to make. Yes, it is emotionally exhausting trying to have a relationship when one minute it’s on and the next it’s off. Not to mention the abusive texts as well, I can definitely see that it’s a roller coaster that you want to get off.

If you are not already doing so, I would suggest learning as much as you can about BPD so that you can get a good understanding of what’s going on. There are also TOOLS and LESSONS to be found on the right 
You will find there are certain skills that can be learned that can help with communication.
Reading other members posts and asking questions are both good ways of picking up vital tips too.

Look forward to reading more from you x 

[DoneMom]

Hi Dredgie,

I’m new here too but I understand the 2-3 week pattern of calm, reasonable behavior and communication and the BAM! An eruption.  I believe these patterns are pretty common with BPD from what I’ve read here.

I’m sure you are exhausted by this.  Please let us know how you are doing with your daughter... .lots of support here.

DMom