First post Glad to find this forum

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello! I'm glad to have found this group, and sorry that any of us need it.

My adult son has recently been diagnosed with BPD and is in therapy, but just at the beginning. Our ability to communicate has broken down completely and I am at a loss as to how to be helpful. Or more accurately, how to stop causing harm. There seems to be no way to say anything that he does not interpret as invalidating. We used to be able to talk about many things and conflict was rare, but intense when it happened, but now it's inevitable and awful.

So I'm here... .

I would also like to find a therapist myself. Is there a referral network here in this group?

[KSCO229]

Hello! I'm glad to have found this group, and sorry that any of us need it.

My adult son has recently been diagnosed with BPD and is in therapy, but just at the beginning. Our ability to communicate has broken down completely and I am at a loss as to how to be helpful. Or more accurately, how to stop causing harm. There seems to be no way to say anything that he does not interpret as invalidating. We used to be able to talk about many things and conflict was rare, but intense when it happened, but now it's inevitable and awful.

So I'm here... .

I would also like to find a therapist myself. Is there a referral network here in this group?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Merlot]

Hi KSC0229

Welcome to the bpdfamily 

Im sorry to hear about your son and you are in the right place to get support and guidance. Parents here completely understand what you are going through. It would be great if you can share a little more of your experience so that others can chime in to best support you.

I understand how difficult it is when nothing you say is well received. I have beem in the same boat with my DD27 from whom Ive beem cut off. Every attempt at communication using validation has been met with mostly abuse. But it is not personal. Just part of their black and white thinking.

Are there actions you can take, rather than speaking with him to let him know you care? Simple things maybe like cooking his favorite meal even.

There is much information on the right 

Also I have been reading a book by Rachel Reiland recovered from BPD. Its called Get me out of here. Its beem useful for me in terms of understaning BPD from their own perspective.

Im in Australia not not sure about therapists in your area.

Take care and we look forward to hearing more.

Merlot

[Feeling Better]

Hello KSCO229

I would like to join Merlot in welcoming you here.

Well, I can certainly relate to what you have written having experienced the same communication problems with my uBPD son. A slight difference, my son was always in denial and thought that I was the one with the problem. I know now that the only problem I had was that I didn’t know how to communicate with him effectively, and it is only since just before he went NC (no contact) with me that I found this site.

So, your son is diagnosed and it sounds like he has accepted that which is great, and you want to support your son, which is also great.

There are TOOLS which can be found on the right 
as Merlot has already pointed out. A good starting point is Listen with Empathy and Validate the Valid.
I can also recommend a book Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder by Shari Manning, an excellent read.

You say that you would like to find a therapist for yourself, you are very wise to recognise that you will probably need help and support. I would recommend finding a therapist who has a good working knowledge of BPD and who is able to help you understand and communicate with your son x