My daughter has still be spiraling down.

[Yat4]

My daughter has still be spiraling down. I think that she hits a low point, but then she manages to sink even lower.  She's been fired from her job and evicted from her house. She asked us to take the kids in for "awhile" and I told her that we would be willing to take the kids in if she signs guardianship papers. She had a rage, throwing things, accused us of trying to take her kids away and swore we would never see them again.
 
We haven't seen the kids for a month, but she has been talking with her dad every so often, nothing to me. We found out from the apartment manager that the youngest had severe bite wounds to his right side and was covered with a bandage that looked homemade. Their dog attacked the middle child just a month ago pretty severely. It was in quarantine for 10 days and my daughter paid the fine to get it out. The house was also covered in feces, urine, and had a terrible infestation of fleas.

They are now living in an extended stay hotel, partially financed by my 87 year old invalid dad who is on a very strict income.  Neither she or her boyfriend have worked for the past several months. I don't know if the youngest was seen medically or what kind of condition the kids are living in now, so we finally broke down and called CPS. They are investigating right now, so we should know something soon. That's where we are right now. I'm hoping that we don't have to raise the children, that she can get her act together enough to care for them, but it isn't looking that way. Those poor babies!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Panda39]

Hi Yat4,

Wow, lots going on.  How old are your grandkids?  I would be concerned about them all, but the youngest child with the dog bite in particular.  I would imagine with no job and no money mom hasn't been able to take youngest to the doctor.

I'm really glad to hear you got CPS involved that can't have been easy but there is definitely neglect happening here with your daughters children.  Those children are depending on other adults (you, CPS, teacher etc) for help.  IMO you have done the right thing for them.  You have shined a light on their situation... .a crisis is not necessarily a bad thing.  A crisis can get the right professionals involved to improve things.

What are your thoughts on taking in the grand kids if it comes to that?

Panda39

[Yat4]

We are more than willing to take the kids in and raise them, but we have to have guardianship. My daughter is so unstable, that if she had the ability, she would leave them with us when it is convenient for her, then take them away when she is mad at us. The poor kids would be forever going back and forth, and somehow I think that would be worse. Not to mention the havoc it would cause for our lives, trying to manage child care and work, and never knowing what was going to happen. The youngest is six, the middle is 8, and the oldest is eleven.

[Feeling Better]

Hi Yat4,

 

I am so sorry to hear of what you are currently going through, my heart goes out to you.

I am sorry that you have needed to call CPS, sad that it is, you have done the right thing by your grandchildren, you know deep in your heart that they deserve better. How wonderful that you are willing to take them in and raise them and how wise you are to recognise that the only way forward is for you to have guardianship. I agree with you, without the guardianship most likely the kids would be forever going back and forth which would not be good for them. They need stability.

Take good care of yourself Yat4, you are going to need lots of inner strength to get through this. Keep sharing with us so that we can support you as you work your way through this x 

[wendydarling]

Hi Yat4 

Oh Yat I'm so sorry, what a very difficult decision for you to call. It's so hard seeing our children spiral down, we step back, watch and wonder how far is far, next step. Sometimes they find their own way forward like my DD, sometimes we have to step in when grandchildren are involved like you have.

I'm with Panda39 and Feeling Better, I'm really glad you called CPS for your grand children's sake, they are clearly vulnerable, it is the kindest act to do for all concerned and that includes you and your husband who are looking out for them all.

Your daughter may react in defence and shame, in time she may come round, it may be an opportunity for her to help herself... .

I can only see good things coming from your love and kindness, in their own good time. Let us know when you hear more.

We are here with you, always Yat 

WDx

[Merlot]

Hi Yat4

There are fewer more stressful and difficult situations than seeing your grandchildren compromised.   I'm so very sorry for these circumstances and for the absolute devastation you and your husband are going through, and I can totally understand how confronting the future is for you.

Like others, it sounds like you have responded to the crisis as any loving parent/grandparent would, even when the decision to call CPS is just so emotionally challenging.   I'm glad they are out of the house and hopefully away from the dog.  Is your grandchild with the wounds ok?

It really is crisis management and hopefully the storm will pass soon and that with each day there is a better more stable outcome for all of you. 

We are all here for you Yat4, any time of the day or night, nobody deserves this and my heart goes out to you all.

Hugs
Merlot

[Huat]

Another ((HUG) coming your way, Yat4... .from me.

I echo all the words of sympathy and comfort that have been written by the others before me in this thread.

So, so sorry that things got to the point where you felt you had to phone CPS... .but never doubt your decision to do so! 

There sometimes comes a point where rationalizing just does not work out and in what you have written about the situation with your daughter and your grandchildren... .there is no way it can be deemed as being okay.

You are going to be needing as much support as possible during this latest crisis.  Keep this community as your lifeline.

Huat

[Lollypop]

Hey yat

It really is heartbreaking but it sounds like you’ve a clearer mind. Strange how we can reach a point in all that chaos and foggy thinking to be able to trust our gut.  Children must come first -always.  You’ve done the right thing. 

I hope you’re both feeling a bit empowered by your action. Don’t allow regret or doubt to seep in.  You’ve made a decision for the right reasons. Be strong.

Hugs

LP

[Scout206]

Dear Yat4,   You have heard from several parents in our group and I am here for you as well.  The courage and love that it took for you to contact CPS is remarkable.  I expect your daughter will be extremely angry but NEVER question your decision no matter what she may say or do.  Your choices were to either call CPS or do nothing.  Your injured grandchild will now be able to receive proper medical care for her bite wounds.  I know it is frightening to get the authorities involved in a devastating family crisis such as this but you made the best choice.  Your other option was to do nothing and leave so many people that you love in a dirty, dangerous situation.  Involving CPS was necessary for the safety of your grandchildren, your daughter and you.  Thank goodness you are willing and able to care for the children if you have guardianship.  That is the safest and least stressful outcome for everyone and I hope that it works out that way.   It may even be a new start for your daughter to get help.  You never know.  Just know that no matter what comes your way, there are many of us here to support you whenever you need it.  You are an amazing, brave, loving person.  Stay in touch with us.  And please don't forget to be kind to yourself.  Scout206

[Yat4]

Thank you so much for the support. My daughter came by last night to do laundry. It was the first time we have seen the kids in over a month. The little one just had his stitches taken out, the scars are horrible. I can't imagine a six year old getting injuries that bad and having live with the scars the rest of his life.  
The psychological scars for all of them are probably going to be much worse. They have all changed, just since the last time we saw them. CPS has not contacted us to let us know what the follow up was. My daughter either does not know that we contacted them, or is just acting like she doesn't. She told us that CPS was investigating, and made her and her boyfriend do drug testing and has been following up with the youngest's medical treatment. She also said that they recommended counseling for the kids, and gave her contact recommendations. Whether she will or not, we'll see. I don't regret contacting CPS, even though it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Hopefully something good will come out of it for the children. Thank you all again so much!

[Huat]

Hi Yat4.  Thanks for the update.  All of us were waiting to hear.

For sure you should never feel guilty about contacting CPS!  Your grandchildren are needing to have someone watching over what is happening.

One would think that CPS would have contacted you by now.   Do you feel comfortable in giving them a call... .making sure you have as much information as possible?

So disturbing to read about the damage done to the little one.  You shared that their dog bit the older sibling, also.  Do they still have that dog?

Stick with us, Yat4!  You need all the support you can get... .and that support is here.

Huat

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Yat4

Thanks for the update. I'm glad they are back in touch with you, it must be a relief for you to see the children after all this time.

It's good to hear CPS have been in touch with your daughter, they are on the radar thanks to you. I too am concerned about the dog, it's bitten twice and badly, and begs the question what next - what was your daughters take on this, is she taking any action?

 
WDx

[Yat4]

My daughter has acted all along that the dog bites were no big deal, that the kids were fine. I know the kids are tough, but not that tough. We tried calling CPS and left messages, but they never called back. They still have the dog, although he is staying at a friends house for right now, since they do not have a place to live. I suspect that as soon as they get housing, they will move him back in with the kids again.
My daughter lied about the second dog bite. She said it was from a random dog at the park. Animal control seriously doubted the story, since the dog just bit the middle child a month earlier, but said that they had no proof.  It is not a matter of if the dog will bite one of them again, but when.

[Feeling Better]

Hi Yat4

I’m so glad to see that you are giving us all updates, perhaps it might take a few days for CPS to complete their investigation.

I understand your worry about the dog and I’m sorry that your daughter doesn’t seem to see it as an issue.

And I am really glad that you don’t regret involving CPS, and I most certainly don’t doubt that it was the hardest thing you’ve had to do x