Got replaced: She's with a new boy toy, it's hard to maintain NC

[rainbow287]

My first post here

I just want some opinion on the situation. So, I met my ex who is diagnosed and she takes pills for BPD. We meet 1 year ago and we talked for 10 months before starting dating. We are both people who take our time to know the other and make sure that we are compatible before dating. So we dated for 2 months... .When she said yes to be together, I would contact her less ( We usually talked for about 100 messages a day and I reduced to like 20 message a day). She took 2 weeks to tell me that she wanted more attention. In those 2 weeks, she was talking to another guy. I corrected myself and 2 weeks later I asked her is it was ok now. She told me yes. So the relation ended when she put all the reasons on me and that it was too late. That I was going to go back to my old habits, etc. But she left me for this other guy and never told me. I started to argument with her with a logical mind (Bad idea I know with those type of people). So 2 weeks after we broke up, she put that she was in a relationship with another guy on Facebook (We never put our relationship status on Facebook when we were together). Pretty sure there has been some overlapping from our relationship. It's been 1 month of no-contact now. I have good and bad days, but it gets better. I don't know why I hang on the hope that she will come back. Even if I know that she is not the type of women I want to be with. I only did my research on BPD after the breakup. It helped me to understand why the things had unfolded like they did. Anyway, she seems happy now, or maby she is still in the idealization phase with her new toy. I don't really know, but it's hard to maintain No-Contact.

Thank you for reading

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi alex282,



You think there is overlapping between you and her new partner - sorry to hear that, I know that must be so hurtful to you.

You mention you are having trouble maintaining NC. Have you tried to contact her? What would you say if you could talk to her? Do you feel it is best to remain NC? What made you feel like she is not the right woman for you?

What do you want an opinion about exactly?

take care, pearl.

[rainbow287]

No I have not tried to contact her. I miss her. Well... .it may be not her, but the idealizing phase. I think NC is best for me go heal. I would like to take her back, but I know there is nothing I can do.

[CryWolf]

Hey Alex, thank you for sharing your story among us. I know you are in difficult position right now. Everything is confusing and you question your time spent with her.

How are you coping with the breakup? What activities do you enjoy to keep your mind off her? When me and my ex broke up, I consumed myself in learning and talking about BPD. I tried my best not to blame myself and surround myself with positivity no matter how much my mind dwelled back on her.

Are you considering detaching from her and taking the steps to move on from her and the situation? No contact is an excellent tool to focus on yourself and your emotions. Keep us updated buddy

[childhoodgone]

There is a high possibility that she was with both you and the other man in the same time, for a part of those 2 months you were dating her.

Have you talked with that other man?

[WileyCoyote]

Have you talked with that other man?

No offense intended childhoodgone, but IMHO this is not a good idea.  You are just asking to be pulled into a
Drama Triangle
This could lead to all kinds of bad outcomes.  

alex287 While you are going NC, what are you doing for self care during this time?  :)o you have friends or family you can discuss this with and get emotional support?  :)o you have some hobbies you could focus more on for a bit?