Apologies

[mssalty]

Anyone have the experience of saying you’re sorry, having an emotional moment that feels like healing, feeling what feels like forgiveness, hearing “I’m sorry too,” and then their loved one makes a comment that makes it clear that it’s NOT all good. 

How do you handle that?

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[Woodchuck]

mssalty-
Apologies have always been a big thing in our relationship.  I can count the number of times I have received on one hand over the entire 18 years we have been together.  The last time was an apology for blowing up at me for loading the dishwasher 'wrong'.  I was shocked that she apologized.  As far as mutual moments that you refer to, my W and I attended a 'Weekend to Remember' marriage seminar many years ago.  It really felt like there was a connection and there were mutual apologies for how we had hurt each other.  That did not last long and went back to her telling me that she was not sorry for anything (other than marrying me).  I still make sure that I apologize for anything that I do that is hurtful or wrong but I do not expect an apology for anything that I find hurtful etc.  It is at the point where even if she did apologize, I would have a hard time accepting it due to the mountain of 'I am not sorry for anything' comments.  I try to just let things go.  That doesn't mean that I completely forget about them but let them go so I am not focusing on them.  I cannot allow what someone else does dictate how happy or unhappy I am going to be.  I don't know if that helps you or answers your question at all.  I hope and pray you will find peace and healthy way to deal with apologies or lack of apologies!  It is not easy but you can do it!

WC

[BeagleGirl]

Mssalty,
When you say things are not all good, do you mean that you feel the apology you offered was not really accepted and your pwBPD wants to continue to hold the wrong against you?
BeagleGirl