Should I move on? We broke up three weeks ago, he still wants time together

[Sherryk]

 Hi guys after reading many forums and emails, I finally decided to join this group because I need your guidance.  I currently live with my UBPD ex bf.  we broke up about 3 weeks ago and it has been so heart crushing.  A little of my story is that my ex and I lived together in my early twenties and I had a young child.  He broke up with me then because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be a father figure.  After he left, he returned about 4 months later wanting to get back together only to find I was in a new relationship.  I told him he hurt me pretty bad and I didn’t want anything to do with him.  Fast forward to 25 years later.  I found him on Facebook and we rekindled our past relationship.  I lived in California and he lives in Florida.  He convinced me after a year that I should move there to be with him.  So, I dropped my career and to Florida.  I’ve been in Florida for 5  months and I’m miserable.  My exbf and I broke up 3 weeks ago saying all we could ever be is friends.  We still live together and sleep in the same bed but any romance is out of the question.  Since I’ve been here he constantly puts me down, criticizes everything I do, talks about me in a negative manner with friends and family while I’m in the room.

He still wants to spend time with me at night and gets upset if I go to bed too early because it hurts his feelings.  Lately, he loves to tell me who ho is talking to. Everytime it’s either his ex 1 or ex 2 and this other girl.  He dated the dictor’s assistant where I go to see my doctor.  I hear about everyone he’s dated.  To me this hurts my feelings since things are so fresh.  I always consider his feelings especially when it comes to bringing up who I’m texting.  IHe wants me to remain living with him but I don’t know how I can do this.  I had hopes we could get back together.  I’m definitely taking care of myself by working and trying to join groups to meet new people.  I’m going to church and working out.  That way I stay busy and not think about what’s going on at home.

I don’t know what do?  I don’t know why he has to bring up all these girls he’s talking to.  How do I determine when I should leave?  Keep in mind if I leave, I will return to California which is a long drawn out process.  I mentioned I might move back home the other day but he thinks I should stay here.  I’m in this push pull relationship. Why does he try to hurt me and talk about his exes?  I need help fast.

to fi

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi SherryK,



I'm sorry to hear this! You made a big move and I know it is hard to imagine going back if this ends up happening.

I am sorry hearing him talk about these other people is making you feel so bad. I understand how that might feel! Before the break was your partner doing this too? Were these exes in the picture?

This kind of push/pull thing is typical I am afraid. I have dealt with it for nearly 8 years now. It is hard to hold onto reality at some point. But I strongly suggest you do!

Think about what you want. You can work on this a bit, use the tools here and try to see if things can improve, or choose to go. We've got boards for all situations!

There is a lot of information just to the right here you will want to take time absorbing!  

What does it feel like your personal timetable is?

I am glad you are getting out amongst people, that is so important that you have that opportunity!

wishing you peace, pearl.

[Insom]

Hi, Sherryk.    Allow me to join pearlsw in welcoming you.

Your story connects with me because i'm here to process a relationship I had in my teens/early twenties a little over 25 years ago.  I bet we're about the same age though I'm not in touch with my ex.

I’ve been in Florida for 5  months and I’m miserable.

Highlighting this for you because it sounds like clear emotional feedback. 

I don’t know what do? . . .   I mentioned I might move back home the other day but he thinks I should stay here.  I’m in this push pull relationship. Why does he try to hurt me and talk about his exes?  I need help fast.

It's great you're able to still converse even though you're in the middle of dealing with push-pull (a typical BPD trait, by the way).  It sounds like you're giving careful consideration to what he thinks.  How about you?  Given all you've been through with him, and the move, and how you feel about living in Florida. . . What do you think?