Hi I'm new to the group and needing help

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi,

I'm currently trying to recover from a near 3 year relationship with a borderline partner, who was undiagnosed during the relationship and I had found out at the end.

I've been having a really difficult time and have come to realize that I myself need a lot of help to work through and process all that had happened. I struggle with the abrupt abandon and feel scared and lost everyday. I've not experienced this in my life until now and have always been a fast healer, something has shaken my core.

I'm looking for a clinician in the Los Angeles area, hopefully either near Long Beach or the Culver City or Wilshire area.

Also, I'm interested in group therapy as I'm realizing that I'm having extreme difficulties even talking with people now and I've never had that problem in my life. I really want to feel comfortable in my skin again and not afraid that every word or expression I make may lead to me anticipating an attack.

I'm currently a master's student and have limited funds for therapy, but have a feeling that I won't be able to work through what I'm needing to without experienced help.

If any in the group have any suggestions, guidance, direction or help to offer I would be so grateful!
Thank you,
g

[giacometti]

Hi,

I'm currently trying to recover from a near 3 year relationship with a borderline partner, who was undiagnosed during the relationship and I had found out at the end.

I've been having a really difficult time and have come to realize that I myself need a lot of help to work through and process all that had happened. I struggle with the abrupt abandon and feel scared and lost everyday. I've not experienced this in my life until now and have always been a fast healer, something has shaken my core.

I'm looking for a clinician in the Los Angeles area, hopefully either near Long Beach or the Culver City or Wilshire area.

Also, I'm interested in group therapy as I'm realizing that I'm having extreme difficulties even talking with people now and I've never had that problem in my life. I really want to feel comfortable in my skin again and not afraid that every word or expression I make may lead to me anticipating an attack.

I'm currently a master's student and have limited funds for therapy, but have a feeling that I won't be able to work through what I'm needing to without experienced help.

If any in the group have any suggestions, guidance, direction or help to offer I would be so grateful!
Thank you,
g

[Mutt]

Hi giacometti,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this a break up with a pwBPD is a very painful ordeal that few understand. I'm glad that you have decided to join us.

I think that you came to the right place for group therapy. You can find the lessons at the top of this board and I'd look around if you haven't done so and read the threads from other members that are in a similar situation as you.

I'm sorry I can't speak to your request for a local T ( therapsit ) I'd suggest to do a Google search for a T that specializes in personality disorders.

Three years is a long time, can you give us a back story? Who broke up with whom? Is your borderline partner diagnosed with BPD?

[Mustbeabetterway]

Hi Giacometti,

Let me join Mutt in welcoming you.  You have found a supportive community here.  Let me also add that you should feel free to add comments or ask questions in the posts of others.  We are learning together and supporting each other on this site.

Peace and blessings,

Mustbeabetterway

[sdyakca]

Hello Giacometti,
Glad you found this website and decided to share some of your story. I went through a multi year detachment process that was very painful that ended in us parting ways. Many days I am extremely ecstatic to be out from under the burden and weight of her sickness, but there are times I miss her too. Fortunately, I have learned (and I'm continuing to learn) no amount of missing or wishing things were different will or did change the reality of her.

There are other things I have loved in my life I had to let go of because they were not good for me, and this was definitely one more.

Wishing you all the best and every success as you make your way from here. Please be loving and gentle and kind to yourself.

[Baglady]

Hi G,

I can relate to your feelings so well!  I came out of a decades long marriage recently and I've felt all of what you describe - it's like you don't trust yourself or your emotions anymore and you certainly don't really trust people in quite the same way anymore.  My chief feeling was that if I couldn't trust of my judgement of someone I had known for decades then what does that say about me.

I tried to white knuckle it and do some self-therapy but after 6 months of not coping very well, I now have a therapist.  Like you I struggled to pay for this but I do my therapy at a local university with counseling students in their second year of their grad program in an effort to save $$.  I'm sure that I would benefit from more experienced clinicians but honestly I'm not able to pay for that.  I've found that just sharing my experience with young clinicians and processing out loud for them is helpful in and of itself.

I'm also starting group therapy in a month.  I'll likely stick this one on my credit card but honestly, I think it's worth it.  I really NEED help processing this - my abrupt ending is just too big to handle on my own.  My fear is that if I don't take care of my mental health in a healthy way now that I'm just kicking the can down the road and the issues that got me to this place originally will keep popping up until I deal with them for once and for all.

Hope this is helpful 

B

[Educated_Guess]

It's hard to talk about this kind of experience.  It is hard to trust others after after you have experienced such a break in a relationship.  But keep reaching out and trying to talk to others about your experience.  When we feel like we have fallen apart, one of the best things to heal is to talk with others who listen and care.  Spend time with people who help you to remember who you are.  It really does help.

[SerendipityChild]

I'm looking for a clinician in the Los Angeles area, hopefully either near Long Beach or the Culver City or Wilshire area.

Sorry to hear about what you are going through. All of us here do feel for you. Give it sometime and you will find that all the responses you get here will suffice. In my case I desperately wanted to talk to a therapist but after 3 days of being here I feel like there is no need. Who else can relate to your situation than all of us here?

[eeps]

i also have limited funds for therapy, but i found this website called https://openpathcollective.org/ and through that i found an individual therapist that i really like, and a couples counselor (who was the one that recommended i read Stop Walking on Eggshells)
i feel so grateful to have found open path, i wouldn't be able to afford therapy otherwise.