Ten years later, BPD ex still around

[karkorm345]

I was married for over 10 years to a man with BPD. I struggled for most of that time to make it work, I went to therapy when he wouldn't and finally decided to end it. We never had kids. I stayed in the same house, met a wonderful man and we have now been together for almost 10 years (married for 3.)

My ex married a woman who lives in my subdivision almost immediately after our divorce. Not long after, he got a dog and started to walk by my house multiple times a day. He stops in front of my house and encourages the dog to do its business there so he has a reason to linger. I have also seem him drive by on trash day to see what I am throwing away. This has been going on nearly 10 YEARS. As long as I am inside the house, I feel safe but I am afraid of running into him if I am outside. I always look out the windows in all directions to see if he is coming before I go anywhere. I also plan my outdoor activities around his schedule so I am less likely to see him.

The issue I have is my husband thinks I am still not over my ex because I am afraid of running into him. He thinks that I should be totally indifferent if I was completely over my ex. I feel like I have been completely over my ex for a long time, but I don't think I could ever see my ex face to face without having quite a bit of anxiety just from the years of mental and verbal abuse. And knowing that my ex is essentially stalking me doesn't help at all.

[MeandThee29]

That's tough.

I've only been separated a year, but I've found myself flinching when I see someone that looks like mine. I can't imagine if he was in the same town. It would be so hard.

[Turkish]

I don't blame you.  That's awkward to say the least 

Is your husband aware of the past abuse that you went through?

[karkorm345]

Is your husband aware of the past abuse that you went through?

Yes, but like most people who have never been close to someone with BPD, he has no idea what it is like to always be walking on eggshells worried that anything you say or do is going to set the person off. And of course, the one time my husband met my ex in a social situation, my ex was pleasant to be around.

[Cromwell]

Hi and welcome karkorm345

I can relate to stalking and forms of harassment, im sorry you are still going through this a decade after finishing the relationship

Have you had any thoughts on moving away?