Feeling discouraged

[RoseRed]

My daughter-in-law displays many symptoms of BPD but has not been diagnosed with it.  She currently is being treated for depression and substance abuse, but I believe BPD may be the main (or at least a co-existing) condition.  What can be done to get her evaluated for BPD?  She misrepresents facts and blames others for whatever is wrong with her life, and I don't know if her counselors are seeing through that.

TIA

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi RoseRed,

  Welcome!

You are asking the tough questions. First, I'm so sorry that you have this struggle going on. It is hard. I'm glad you came to share about it with us.

Here is a link that might be helpful to start with:
Get Someone into Therapy

How did you learn about BPD?

 
Wools

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board!  What sort of relationship do you have with your DIL?  What behaviors lead you to believe she has BPD?

A lot of the behaviors associated with BPD are often seen in people with addiction.  Often the addictions are easier to diagnose first.  Depending on the experience and credentials of the therapist it can be hard to hide any underlying disordered personality traits.  Another thing that can be difficult for family and friends to understand is that often the consequences of the BPD behaviors on others are sometimes the last thing addressed in therapy.  Recognizing the hurt and damage they may have caused or at least participated in is very difficult given the nature of BPD. 

How long had your DIL been in treatment?  Are there kids involved?

[Turkish]

How is your son,  I'm assuming, coping with this,  and do they have kids? A "dual-diagnosis" (substance abuse in combination with mental illness) is hard,  especially if the focus is on the addiction rather than the MI.

[zachira]

You are feeling discouraged about your DIL's behaviors and think she might have BPD. I encourage you to read some of the threads of others on this Board who have a DIL or a son with a girlfriend with BPD. I find Angie59's posts particularly encouraging. Keep us posted on how you are doing. We are here to listen and support you.

[Learning2Thrive]

  RoseRed.

You are not alone. I’m so glad you found us but sorry for the circumstances that bring you here.

I agree with zachira. Check out Angie59’s threads. There is hope, but it probably isn’t the hope you imagine.

I look forward to getting to know you better. We’re all here to listen and support each other.   

  L2T

[RoseRed]

Thank you all for your responses.  My DIL and son have one young child.  My DIL has become increasingly distraught and sometimes hysterical in the last two months, claiming my son is abusive and she is afraid of him.  However, there is no evidence of abuse and she apologized later for saying he abused her when he hasn't.  Her moods shift erratically.  She will cry nonstop for fifteen minutes, then seem fine.  She seems to want others to take care of her and has told us at times that she can't take care of their child.  She has never been able to keep a job.  She blames our son for her emotional state, saying if he would get help she would be fine (he is in therapy).  We knew she had a difficult and insecure childhood, but we are discovering she may have been severely abused as a child.  She is irrational and seems psychotic at times.  For example, she says certain things have happened when my husband and I were present at the time and we know they did not happen.  She is a lovely person and we care about her a lot, but we are exhausted by the drama.  It seems the slightest comments we make or even our facial expressions lead to major conflicts.