1 year detachment report

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cQgQIMlwWw  

Everything's Awesome!  
Everything's Cool when you'r part of a team!

 

[Cromwell]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cQgQIMlwWw  

Everything's Awesome!  
Everything's Cool when you'r part of a team!

 

[Educated_Guess]

Cromwell, this is fantastic!

[SerendipityChild]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cQgQIMlwWw  

Everything's Awesome!  
Everything's Cool when you'r part of a team!

 

Oh no! Trigger=( it’s his favorite movie. Yikes.

[MeandThee29]

That will ring in my head for days.

EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!

[spero]

Hello there, Cromwell.

Congratulations on keeping it steady for a year, you're really doing well.
Now that it's been a year, how do you feel about yourself and what lessons have you learnt in this process thus far?

Spero.

[SerendipityChild]

 

[SerendipityChild]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cQgQIMlwWw  

Everything's Awesome!  
Everything's Cool when you'r part of a team!

 

Cromwell, congratulations!   And I am sorry I got too excited about my progress that I was not able to notice this. Wow... .one year! You must be really proud of yourself and I am sure everyone here are proud of you, too, including myself. And I hope I get to where you are emotionally, mentally and physically. I could picture you enjoying the lemon cake, coffee and your cigarettes=)
Thought I'd ask- have you started dating yet? And if so, how does it feel? Any jaded feelings or just cautious? 

[BasementDweller]

Yay! 

Congrats on reaching this milestone! I'm a tad envious. I wanna be a year out! Maybe I'll have stopped crying every damn day by then. :-)

Woo-hoo! Lemon cake for everyone!

[Cromwell]

Thanks very much everyone - I know I couldnt have got this far without you all.

Spero: So much, Id need time really to list it all, its been a long but good day, I will come back to this when I get my thoughts better together.

Educated Guess: I like your profile pic, and "just" fantastic? cmon, you know you want to say Awesome!

MeandThee29: Just play it on repeat until its ingrained into the sleep

SerendipityChild: I started dating again about 5 months after, I never got jaded by what ive been through, cautious - yep, but in a healthy way backed up experience - throw away the jaded feelings, they are just toxic remnants - the mind does want us to remember, as a form of experience to protect, but its important not to amplify it into a global thought. I think im probably better than the FBI at profiling and screening problem people now.  I think im fortunate to have had mutually healthy relationships in the past, it helps to draw on, helps to reevaluate and sincerely appreciate them too.

Its been essential to be alone for awhile (not lonely), find myself again, ive learned so much this year its incredible it was the antidote to bitterness or a feeling of having wasted part of my life.

People here early on said so - referred to as the "BPD gift" and I just shrugged it off as nonsense or an attempt to self soothe a heavy trauma that I will be destined to carry and cant just convince myself of any silver linings to that cloud. Yet, It was true though,it just took awhile to recognise. I wouldnt give my ex the accolade at having scarred me as a result of this; there is a dark side to her I know would have wanted to keep - something of a link, if not pining love, than toxic trauma. I was post relationship, an anxiety ridden wreck, confidence and self esteem felt grounded to dust - yet in the midst of that, could enjoy the company of women again, have dinner together and not have her order the exact same thing, not see any triggers - at the same time date one that red flags appeared everywhere, listen to my gut instinct and ignore attractiveness, great 'rapport' and turn down a second date.

But I wouldnt rush into dating if there is serious anxiety, depressions going on, I did, it was nice to hear compliments at a time, opportunities open where id just came shellshocked out of a warzone - in Narnia - yet those were also days where my mood could swing like a pendulum so ive shelved a serious relationship. Id say im ready to now though, only time her ghost becomes omnipresent is those high caffeine days - I might need to find the relevant support group for that, giving up my morning cuppa is harder than my BPDx, lets put things in context. Nescafe ultimately won my affection over BPD.  

Can you say "cupcake" with a smile? and repeat as neccessary when bad thoughts come, overide time!

the alliteration on the C and K get me every time hope it does for you too

[Cromwell]

Yay! 

Congrats on reaching this milestone! I'm a tad envious. I wanna be a year out! Maybe I'll have stopped crying every damn day by then. :-)

Woo-hoo! Lemon cake for everyone!

Psychic Hotline told me they can see many many tears shed by you in your future basement... .

happy ones

 

[SerendipityChild]

SerendipityChild: I started dating again about 5 months after, I never got jaded by what ive been through, cautious - yep, but in a healthy way backed up experience - throw away the jaded feelings, they are just toxic remnants - the mind does want us to remember, as a form of experience to protect, but its important not to amplify it into a global thought. I think im probably better than the FBI at profiling and screening problem people now.  I think im fortunate to have had mutually healthy relationships in the past, it helps to draw on, helps to reevaluate and sincerely appreciate them too.

Its been essential to be alone for awhile (not lonely), find myself again, ive learned so much this year its incredible it was the antidote to bitterness or a feeling of having wasted part of my life.

People here early on said so - referred to as the "BPD gift" and I just shrugged it off as nonsense or an attempt to self soothe a heavy trauma that I will be destined to carry and cant just convince myself of any silver linings to that cloud. Yet, It was true though,it just took awhile to recognise. I wouldnt give my ex the accolade at having scarred me as a result of this; there is a dark side to her I know would have wanted to keep - something of a link, if not pining love, than toxic trauma. I was post relationship, an anxiety ridden wreck, confidence and self esteem felt grounded to dust - yet in the midst of that, could enjoy the company of women again, have dinner together and not have her order the exact same thing, not see any triggers - at the same time date one that red flags appeared everywhere, listen to my gut instinct and ignore attractiveness, great 'rapport' and turn down a second date.

But I wouldnt rush into dating if there is serious anxiety, depressions going on, I did, it was nice to hear compliments at a time, opportunities open where id just came shellshocked out of a warzone - in Narnia - yet those were also days where my mood could swing like a pendulum so ive shelved a serious relationship. Id say im ready to now though, only time her ghost becomes omnipresent is those high caffeine days - I might need to find the relevant support group for that, giving up my morning cuppa is harder than my BPDx, lets put things in context. Nescafe ultimately won my affection over BPD.  

Can you say "cupcake" with a smile? and repeat as neccessary when bad thoughts come, overide time!

the alliteration on the C and K get me every time hope it does for you too

I've been wondering lately if I am ready. I still feel the depression and anxiety and still still medicating. Slowly building up my self-esteem. Maybe I'll give myself a year to get over everything. Dust myself off before trying again. My focus are on my two kids and my work for now and it's a good thing. I am starting to enjoy my solitude as well and appreciating the simple joy of Netflix=)
Don't give up the coffee, maybe the brand? =) There are plenty here in the US that you can choose from. I'll be glad to send you some samples to try. I'm not kidding either.
Cupcake... .I love the alliteration in the C & the K just as much as I love cupcakes. 

[SerendipityChild]

Psychic Hotline told me they can see many many tears shed by you in your future basement... .

happy ones

 

Hey Cromwell! See what you started with the lemon cake? Let's start a club with BasementDweller. Haha!


p.s. BasementDweller- no more tears please,  smile... we are all here for ya!

[Cromwell]

I've been wondering lately if I am ready. I still feel the depression and anxiety and still still medicating. Slowly building up my self-esteem. Maybe I'll give myself a year to get over everything. Dust myself off before trying again. My focus are on my two kids and my work for now and it's a good thing. I am starting to enjoy my solitude as well and appreciating the simple joy of Netflix=)
Don't give up the coffee, maybe the brand? =) There are plenty here in the US that you can choose from. I'll be glad to send you some samples to try. I'm not kidding either.
Cupcake... .I love the alliteration in the C & the K just as much as I love cupcakes. 

too many coffees is how our BPDxs get summoned, flying loops around the top of my apartment block, that a long with cigarettes plus high anxiety = being totally wired all day. Part of me enjoys it but yea, doctor told me stop coffee after 12 noon - yea right! They really ask the impossible of us. I once told her I was depressed, expecting some prosac or similar - "just eat more vegetables"... .there you have it, the medical worlds answer to getting over an abusive BPD relationship; ratatouille.

A year worked for me SC, I think I feel ready for a relationship again and it will 'layer cake' over all this.  

Hope you have a awesome day SC, dont let it happen, make it happen! 

Im not sure but Im certain I was dreaming of baking macarons last night, I got to stop coming to these boards before I go to sleep. 

[SerendipityChild]

.there you have it, the medical worlds answer to getting over an abusive BPD relationship; ratatouille.

This made me laugh out loud, seriously. I know... .  oxymoron.
My pDoc is so generous with the benzos, but I don't want to get hooked on them. I only take what I need to sleep. The last five years really took a toll in my body and mind. I don't think a head of lettuce a day is enough to recuperate.
Cigarettes, check. Coke Zero, check. And now lemon cake, check=)

I feel like I am gaining weight just reading about these posts about food=) Macaroons, oh my. Do you know they costs $4 each here? For about 2" diameter size. More expensive than a gallon of unleaded gasoline. Send me a recipe=)