When happens when they start getting arrested?

[boatingwoman]

TL:DR, have decided to have my s/BPD/bip arrested for trespassing and are getting restraining orders on her for DH and me.


Hey, everyone.  It’s been years.  Once I learned what I was dealing with and practiced everything learned here, I was able to deal with a few bumps, but mostly extracted her from my life and have been living an enjoyable life.  The best thing I ever did was removing her.

(Sister, now 42, with 3 kids under 6 and her mentally ill husband who is vulnerable and is getting crushed and likely dying under her thumb. He would probably be a lot better off mentally if he divorced her).

We had a big bump in 2015 with some likely trespasses on my second home and a possible B+E.  After that, I added cameras and a combination door lock with passcodes and which texts me whenever someone enters the door. I also added a nanny cam in the living area that I can access from my iPhone.  My exterior cameras are not user friendly and we don’t know how to access them online, etc.  I will be changing these cameras soon.

So, we have entered the phase of this where she trespassed recently and it was caught on camera.  I filed a police report via the phone with the responding deputy.  Since I hadn’t seen the video yet, and I didn’t have my file of transgressions and lawyer communications with her, I chose not to press charges.

(My brother was there washing and waxing my boat and I was on the phone with him when she opened the door)

I immediately regretted that. We have also decided to get restraining orders on her, which will cost $490.00 each, plus we will have a lawyer fill them out and attend the hearing on our behalf. (It helps that we have money, though not thrilled with spending it on this).

I also called CPS since she committed a crime while holding a 15 month old.

After consulting with a lawyer and the sheriff’s office, I am now going back there (FOO city) later this week to make a thumb drive with date and time stamp of the trespassing and to have the deputies come back where I will show them the file and also the video and give them a file and a thumb drive in an attempt to have her arrested.

The sheriff’s office suggested it would be easier for them to arrest her if we had a restraining order, so I am hopefully getting this process started this week, hopefully no later than early next week.

I’ve had it. I’m done. I tried JADE and all of that stuff (and it does work well), but she has had one rule all this time: no contact, do not come on my property.

A year ago it was her showing up at the holidays with her baby and I closed the door on her and told her to leave or I was calling sheriff.

4 months ago it was a letter attached to my mailbox by a clothes pin that I kept there unopened until it disintegrated.

Two years ago, it was a call to DH’s office asking about plans for my son’s HS graduation. (She threatened to come).

When my SIL died unexpectedly last fall, I hired an off duty police officer to attend the funeral to keep her out (she threatened to come).

Plus, you know, I have an enabling mother.  I think I’ve handled this all pretty well. VLC/NC and I have gone VLC with my mother as well.

My life significantly improved.

So... .here we are. It’s arrest and restraining order time.

I could use some insight from people who have gotten to this point.  Will it ramp up, or will I finally be rid of her forever? (It’s such a welcoming dream!)

Thank you for reading this very long post and update.

BW

[Harri]

Hi and welcome back!  I am so sorry that you sister is acting this way again.  It seems very intrusive and I would not like it either.

I am not sure how to respond here as you seem to have your plan laid out and in action.  I do wonder if she will simply escalate her behaviors though if you push back with such measures like having her arrested, calling cps, and a restraining order as they are all pretty strong messages to send.

It is hard to say if she will escalate in terms of behaviors.  I think emotionally she will and people with BPD tend to act on their emotions.  How has she responded in the past when hard limits were set?  I know she ignored your rule for her to stay off your property but what else does she do?  Changes are, you can expect more of the same.

Have you thought about taking this issue to our Law board? 

[boatingwoman]

Thanks, Harri 

She mostly threatens to show up places I will be, which the restraining order will take care of. My mother will likely cut me off, but that’s fine because her life is a mess and this way I’m getting out before the doo doo hits the fan. S has ruined my mother anyway, so it’s best for me to step away from all of them.

I guess I will be the guinea pig and will live update this as it unfolds, stay tuned.