My first post, here to learn

[Faithforward444]

Hello thank you for having me. I’m here to learn more about the behaviors and how to manage them.
My step daughter has been formally diagnosed but her father, my husband, also has intense traits of both BPD and NPD. He uses his daughter as his narcissist supply and is his social outlet. He becomes very jealous of my own daughter and can never be happy with her milestones. This hurts my daughter causing her to feel dismissed and unloved. I’m pretty tired too but I think I’m starting to figure out how to manage his grandiosity behavior by simply overlooking got and ignoring it.
He has damaged my relationships with his family by telling them lies and delusions of who I really am. I’m getting better at deflecting back so he has to look at himself. I can see it makes him insecure when I don’t notice him.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hi Faithforward444, welcome to the group    So glad you reached out for support around dealing with pwPDs (people with personality disorders).

Lots going on in your family -- both a stepdaughter and a husband with traits is a full plate, to say the least, and it's impacting your other relationships, too.

How old is your stepdaughter? Does she seem to accept her diagnosis? What's her level of involvement with treatment (rejects, neutral, participates, etc)?

When did you start to notice the PD-type traits in your husband?

And, how old is your daughter -- close in age to your SD (stepdaughter)? Are they both still living at home?

Asking because it sometimes makes a difference who lives at home and who lives away, in terms of approaches to managing the "intensity" (there's an understatement, I bet)...

Looking forward to hearing more of your story;

kells76

[bugwaterguy]

Getting help for yourself is important.  Have you read any books?

Best books IMO are:  Walking On Eggshells, Walking On Eggshells Workbook, Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder