I still love her and want to reconcile after her mental breakdown

[LongRunner]

After many stressful months of living with my wife following some kind of mental breakdown that she had, I have come to think that she may suffer from BPD. I can't know for sure. We have been married for nearly 43 years. During that time I was emotionally abusive (never physical) off and on. I yelled, criticized, controlled, etc. I am fully aware that my behavior had an effect on my spouse. I have fully admitted this behavior, apologized and worked hard to modify my behavior. It is unlikely that our marriage will survive as my spouse has no interest in reconciling our marriage. Yet, we have moved to a place where she wants to live, sought professional help for her and continue to live together. I am doing my best to help her because I still do love her, am concerned for her health and well being and want to reconcile despite the low probability. In looking at her life over the past several years, I can see signs of BPD developing especially associated with her terminating relationships, falling into depressions, becoming a very negative person and explosive emotional outbursts. She has me in a bind where I can't leave and can't stay (much like the I Hate You, Don't Leave Me book describes). She appears to be frightened of living alone though she says that is what she want to do.
This is a very short discussion of a very long and complicated relationship. I do my best to live day to day in this situation however I know we can't continue this way much longer. My spouse is in therapy and I am in therapy.  I am pretty certain that she is not getting enough support but she will not entertain any suggestions I make to seek additional support. My therapy has been helpful and is now directed and determining how to let my spouse go with love while still supporting her needs. I am interested in comments and suggestions.

  

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[radoe]

Greetings longrunner
I have been married only 21 years.

Our situations are similar less the abuse.
My major short coming was I thought I was normal.

We were both seeing the same  psychologist independently.
He recommended I read I hate you.

I told her I thought she has BPD 11 days ago.
It is going OK.

Here is the thing, the psychologist says it might not be possible for her to love

[LongRunner]

Hi radoe,
I have learned a couple things along the same lines as you mentioned. One is that it is clear that my spouse is presently incapable of feeling love. She is filled with anger and resentment most of the time (not just directed at me, but just about everyone). Also, I have learned that I can't tell her anything. She does not trust me. So I could not mention the possibility of BPD or anything else. I am hoping that her therapists will soon figure this out. The problem is that they see here once a week for an hour. I see her the remaining hours and witness the wide variations and swings in emotions.
I wish you well. Hope things improve.

[Red5]

She is filled with anger and resentment most of the time (not just directed at me, but just about everyone). Also, I have learned that I can't tell her anything. She does not trust me.

wow, I could have written that,

Red5

[radoe]

We can all write that,

When they are in it they do not see it.

[once removed]

what kind of mental breakdown did she have?