I didn't listen at first. Is it to late?

[Scorpio1010]

My ex of almost 2 years hasn't been professionally diagnosed with BPD but we both are a hundred percent sure. My reason for this post is she is the one who brought BPD to my attention and I read up on it a little bit but got stubborn and just went with it and did what I thought was right to help and it was in the beginning but she's had a lot of obstacles in her life just in the last 2 years on top of her whole life but more recently all discussion turn into arguments but during the arguments she would explain some of her triggers I didn't catch or understanding them fully. Now she feels like I didn't try. I take full responsibility for it being my fault, but now I feel like she's falling out of love now that i have enough knowledge of BPD have decided I want to spend my life with her but is it too late? She understands I accept responsibility and now read up on it alot more witch has her love an abandonment feelings playing tug of war. It kills me to see her like that and she really has no other support system really hope somebody can help!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

It's not nearly time to give up.  We can help you learn tools that can reduce conflict and help things go better.  It's natural to want to have a talk with her where she says she understands that you're trying harder now, helping you to feel more confident.  Unfortunately, this kind of clarity can be tough to achieve.  Calmly and consistently learn the tools we teach here and you should see improvements.  Have you had a chance to read any of the articles on the site yet?  If so, did you see anything that looks helpful?  If not, we can point out some links for you to follow.

RC

[an0ught]

Hi Scorpio,

no it is not too late but then maybe it is too early to commit yourself to a person who is unstable. Living with a person with BPD is a commitment to being the stable anchor and accepting the ship tied to it jumps about all the time .

It kills me to see her like that and she really has no other support system really hope somebody can help!

If she is convinced it is BPD then she should seek out therapy. You can't be her therapist and her partner - these roles are mutually exclusive. She has lots of issues in her life (some probably a reflection of her BPD) and seeking help is the smart thing and there is no shame to it.

during the arguments she would explain some of her triggers I didn't catch or understanding them fully. Now she feels like I didn't try. I take full responsibility for it being my fault,

It is virtually impossible to avoid triggering a pwBPD. Trying to do so often leads to walking on eggshells, becoming more reactive to their emotional instability. Having said this learning about validation and how to avoid invalidation (even more important) is helping a lot to avoid triggering and making the pwBPD less trigger happy.

,

a0