Don’t know where the start

[Lostfinally75]

For 3 years I have lived with guilt, depression, been isolated, and lack of sleep. I have a child with my spouse. I just was pointed in the direction of the book that gave birth to this forum. Half way through and I feel like, finally, I’m not crazy, I’m not the cause of every single problem. I had been recording conversations with my spouse for the last six months because we would go into a counseling session and my spouse would claim the exact opposite of reality had occurred. The counselor, who is not the one who pointed me here and who still does not understand what is going on, told me recording her trust issues. The counselor would then reinforce everything my spouse told the counselor. Here I am today, with a child in the middle. I continue to suffer verbal abuse in front of my child, on all days to...Father’s Day.  My spouse is mad because I have not told them my plans and they keep yelling at me. I ask them to calm down...why would I want to be around someone who verbally abuses me anyway...but they took my child and they are going to church picnic to play victim...ugh...

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ozzie101]

Hi Lost! I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Unfortunately, it's a story many of us here know all too well. We get it. We understand.

As you're discovering, marriage counseling can be a tricky thing in relationships where there's a personality disorder and/or abuse going on. Very often, the counselor is snowed by the perpetrator, which puts the victim in an even worse situation.

There are tools and tips and experience we can share that might make your situation better. It does take time and work, though. Would you like us to share some of those further? We'd be happy to. At the same time, if you really just want someone to listen, we're great at that too!

Keep posting and sharing and we'll help however we can!

[COLB]

I am sorry that your fathers day was so rough.  The book has been impactful to many of us living with a BPD.  You do not have to suffer verbal abuse.  Set a clear boundary now!  It took me years to do it and I am still not perfect. 

There are many great resources here to help you.  Take advantage of them! 

B