I'm having trouble resisting emotional blackmail

[Lightandshine]

Hello. I admitted to my bpd partner that I've been lying to myself about my ability to afford all of our expenses on my own. That means I've been lying to him about it as well. I let him know that I really do need his help, and that we dont have money to afford our expenses AND accomodate indulgences like ive been trying to for the past three years. I let him know that i was so scared that he would leave me if I could not provide for us on my own.

This triggered some pretty bad emotional abuse with plenty of nasty name calling. This really hurt me and triggered my ptsd. I stayed with my family for about a week after his communication with me continued to be toxic and abusive. I've been seeing a counselor to help me cope.

I'm back at home now and while the yelling, throwing things, and name calling has stopped, he still wakes up daily asking what I've done for him to make up for years of lying and for being a liar and manipulator. Anything I do for us, like creating a budget, seeking assistance from outside agencies, asking both of our families for financial help.,Cooking and cleaning "doesnt count" because he claims they are things I have to do for myself anyways. We have been having daily conversations about how I am the cause of all of our problems, and he claims that all of his anger towards me can end anytime I want it to if I just do something for him to make up for being a liar.

I'm really at a loss for what to do. Previously in the relationship I have believed all of this, that it is all my fault, that if I do the right thing I can fix it all. But  lve learned about emotional blackmail. He says unless it's a brand new VR game system, anything i purchase will not be accepted. And he knows that I can't get the VR for him. Household chores and assistance doesnt count because I live here too, the same goes for anything i do to provide for our basic living needs.

He says he just wants to get back to how things were but says we cant because I do not know how to apologize and take responsibility. I have been apologizing for my role in our problems multiple times per day and have admitted my fault just as often. But since he doesnt "feel it" it doesn't count either.

Please help.

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[Still Here]

I hate saying this so often, but I am in the exact same spot.  Same financial issues, same demand to admit that I lied.  On this site I got a lot of good advice about not admitting to things that I haven't done.  It wont solve anything.  It will be used against you 5 times as hard later on.  The line I have walked is to explain where I have been "mistaken", but I won't give her that I deliberately told an untruth.  Because I didn't.  It's like they say when you get arrested - anything you say can and will be used against you.

Hang in there

[Lightandshine]

Thank you Still Here! I'm sure many of us have felt the pressure to give in and admit to anything to stop the anger and potential for abuse. It's so nice to have a group of people who understand where I'm coming from, even if we dont have all the answers