First Post -I told my BPD husband it was over today.

[rstar2019]

Its been 3 years of my life. I had NO CLUE about BPD and all that it entailed. I read articles about it now and am astounded that I went through so much of the EXACT SAME CRAP. I loved him greatly. I forgave him his rages and name calling and blaming constantly and baiting me to fight and then saying I was the abuser. I kicked him out after 2 + years. He said he would do anything to save our marriage ,etc. We've been talking, he started treatment. Then I started finding out about the infidelities and I just broke. I'm so done. I have tried to leave this so many times and he always guilted me back into it or I just missed him terribly. I found out more about yet another infidelity last night and just realized, I can't do this anymore. I have to get tested for STD's. I have to rebuild. I have to get a restraining order. He has to be completely out of my life now. I used to feel so bad for him. For what he endured. I struggled so much with my marriage failing. I tried so many times to get him help. Now I need to help me. He completely tore down my life within a 3 year span. And it took me almost a year to come across BPD information and realize this is what he is. I need support and help to move on. For the longest time, I was so tore up that he was The One. Now I know better. I don't want to say I feel like a fool but I do. I don't want to be hard on myself for what he did to my life and to me but I am. I am sad and scared that it has come to this - but also, the more I read about BPD today, the better I am starting to feel. I was Never equipped for this. How could I have possibly known just how awful this was going to be? The twisted things he would do to someone who loved him so much.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

So sorry you're going through so much pain, but at the same time, you're finding answers. We understand. It can be the most awful experience to love someone who is so damaged and who wreaks so much havoc in our lives.

I know you are feeling that you need to move on from the relationship, and it may seem nonsensical, but I'm moving your post to the Bettering Board. The reason being that you will still need to deal with him if you are to end your marriage, and there you will learn strategies to calm things down and be able to navigate the communication you will need to have with him.

 
Cat

[Mutt]

Hi rstar2019  ,



I want to join Cat Familiar and welcome you to the family. I’m sorry for the circumstances that led you to our site here. I am glad that you have found us, there is hope.

It’s a lot to take it when you find out that there’s a clinical reason for the experience that you’re going through. Your emotions can fluctuate st the onset of this new intonation, read as much as you can about BPD you will quickly see the benefits nd be one proficient over time.

Do you have kids together?