New here BPD husband is out of control

[Depression = 72% of members]

I’m new here and want to mostly try to understand my husband and figure out if the relationship is salvageable.

He is currently waiting to see a psychiatrist to do a full evaluation and re-affirm that he has PBD (possibly bipolar as well).

My problem is: he has cheated, and his “excuse” is that he feels empty and has impulses that makes him feel alive. I know, it sounds like a BS excuse, and it’s not the first time he has cheated, but the BPD traits and symptoms are prevalent in excess whenever he gets in one of those moods.

My question: is it BPD or is he just an a-hole

[Gira9]

I’m new here and want to mostly try to understand my husband and figure out if the relationship is salvageable.

He is currently waiting to see a psychiatrist to do a full evaluation and re-affirm that he has PBD (possibly bipolar as well).

My problem is: he has cheated, and his “excuse” is that he feels empty and has impulses that makes him feel alive. I know, it sounds like a BS excuse, and it’s not the first time he has cheated, but the BPD traits and symptoms are prevalent in excess whenever he gets in one of those moods.

My question: is it BPD or is he just an a-hole

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi Gira and welcome.

I am sorry for what brings you here.  It is devastating when a partner cheats.  This behavior is not uncommon and you will find many of our members are in a similar position.

Your question is a good one, but hard to answer for sure.  Impulsive behavior is one of the criteria of BPD and his cheating may fit into that category, certainly if he is also experiencing emotional dysregulation.   

Do you feel that if his cheating is caused by his BPD it would make it easier to understand and work on repairing your relationship?  Are there other factors that come into play for you?

Hope to hear more from you soon.