Talking with him tomorrow

[Sunflower123]

My partner left me six weeks ago after painting me black for the third time in our almost 10 year relationship.  I've been living with him overseas for many years.  He has been staying on a friends couch for 6 weeks.  He wouldn't contact me for weeks.   

Just last week we ended up sleeping together.  He came over to get the mail and he wanted to stay for a few hours at our apartment.  He flirted with me and then seduced me.  Afterwards he told me he can't see me again because he still has feelings for me and we can't be together. He ran away (literally) and I didn't hear from him for a week. 

Now, he wants to come over tomorrow and talk about where I'm going to live now that we aren't together anymore.  I don't know what he is thinking because I moved to a different country to be with him.  I have no place to go.  I love my partner dearly and we have been through similar episodes before.  This one seems the most serious as he has never tried to actually kick me out before. 

I am very scared.  Are there any good ways to talk with him when he comes over tomorrow?  Would begging him make it better or worse? Even if I can just buy some more time to figure things out.  I am worried that this time he has painted me black for good. 

I should also add that he thinks I should "move back home"  meaning with my parents.  I have not lived with them for over a decade and they abused me growing up.  He knows I could not live with them, but he has even contacted them saying they need to "come pick me up" (in another country).  They ignored his messages.  He is not thinking logically and I don't know what to do anymore.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Gemsforeyes]

Hi Sunflower-

I’m so sorry about what you’re going through...again.

I was just going through your posting history and saw that your BF actually tried to keep you from coming back to Your shared home when you were visiting your family in the US in January 2016.  It seems he had broken up with you in about November, 2015 and you must have reunited.  But then after you arrived in the states, he escalated again.  Do you recall how that difficult situation become resolved?

Each time our partners do this, our trust is further eroded, as is our strength and self-respect.  My trust is now completely gone, and so is my BF.  I just need for him to stay away this time, and keeping that boundary is up to me.  His brand of “love” was killing me and I just cannot give him anymore of my life.  But through great amounts of studying and his behavior, I FINALLY admitted his behaviors were way more on the NPD side.  Cruel and intolerable.

I hope your BF does something to enrich your life. 

If he pushes the issue for you to leave “his house”; Stand up for what’s rightfully yours.  If needed, obtain assistance to help you assert your rights.

Have you met with the therapist?  How did that visit go?  Hide NOTHING.  Again, I’m so sorry for all the pain and confusion your relationship has brought you.  Sunflower - you deserve a love you can’t count on.

Please keep posting.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

[Sunflower123]

Yes, my partner did not want me to return to the apartment in 2016. I ended up coming back anyway and he picked me up at the airport, hugged and kissed me, then acted like nothing ever happened.  When I confronted him he cried and told me that I'm the person he wants to be with forever and he has changed. Eventually everything went back to normal.

I have seen my therapist now twice.  She is really trying to help me, but she highly recommends that I try to get partner to a psychologist or even his regular doctor.  There is no way that I can do that.  He keeps telling me that there is "nothing wrong with him" and he "knows how he feels".  It's at least nice to have someone to listen to what is going on...I have held all of this in for so long.

I am reluctant to sit down with my partner tomorrow.  He always says he wants to talk, but it always ends with him screaming and running away if he doesn't like what I have to say...