Currently apart, am nearing leaving but unsure. How do I communicate this?

[Blue Monday]

Hi all,

I left my BF w/BPD (undiagnosed) to go and stay with my mum after an incident where he grabbed my face. I've done a separate thread about the DV element.

I need advice on communicating the following without inciting more problems.

I left saying I needed 2 weeks away, please dont contact me. He has honoured this, mostly, bar a few emails of articles on addiction and telling me he has acknowledged he's been 'sliding down' and that I deserve more. In the past he has bombarded me with emotional texts and I have to say, I do see a definite improvement in him overall in the day to day, it's just there's still outbursts once a month or every 2 months where he resorts to control and taking power.

I am now 11 days away an havent replied to his messages. I intend to stay a further 6 days, partly due to my part in the rots to care for my mum and mostly because I do not have full clarity about what to do. I dont feel like I cant say that everything is ok because I know I cant continue in the relationship with the threat of these outbursts and/or the lead up to them which is dictating behaviour around certain subjects, refusal to let me give my perspective. THe problem is I have not yet come to a firm decision about what I need to happen for me and I doubt this will happen before I go back home. I know what it is I dont want and I know I cant accept the relationship as it is. I jst feel sad as we were doing pretty well in the inbetween times.

I was thinking about saying,
Thanks for giving me the space I asked for and I hope that time away has also been helpful for you. I will be coming back to our house on Sunday. I will need to talk at some point in the near future and I dont know if I will be up to it by Sunday.

ANy tips? I dont want to trigger him whilst we are not face to face to talk, at the same time, he has a right to know what my plans are.

Writing this as there's a good few of you who seem so practised in the language


Thx

[Cat Familiar]

You probably know that the leaving is the most dangerous time in a relationship with someone who can be abusive. Do you have another place lined up?

[Blue Monday]

Thanks Cat

I do have somewhere, although I doubt it would escalate to more violence as we have separated twice before without such.

[Skip]

Thanks for giving me the space I asked for and I hope that time away has also been helpful for you. I will be coming back to our house on Sunday. (I)We will need to talk at some point (in the near future and I dont know if I will be up to it by Sunday), but I would prefer to not to get into that the first week I'm back.

I might keep it specific and self focused.

[Blue Monday]

Thanks