BPD Husband

[Quiet time]

I have set boundaries and offered healthy support, took control of my life & visit my family and friends again. My husband has become more & more hostile- shouting, more aggressive and verbally abusive. He has been out of work for 5 years, has no income & no where to go. He shouts at the children for the least thing, if I try to stop it, we all get more verbal abuse, swearing, aggression. He hates our neighbours, has disowned his own friends- they have all said things to him which he has not liked, therefore hates them now. If he sees or thinks about people he feels have wronged him then we suffer as a family with his dreadful moods. I’ve asked if he would seek help many times- he denies everything when in a room with a doctor or specialist & says everything to make out I’m the one mid treating him- others believe his version- so charismatic. He is now calling me evil etc. for trying to make him think he has a condition & threatening to tell the children awful things about me which aren’t true, go to my place of work & spread vile rumours etc. He can’t comprehend he may need support & won’t forgive me for telling our doctor about his behaviour. Anyone any advice?

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[once removed]

hi Quiet time, and

wow, you do sound like you are struggling.

you say you set boundaries and took control of your life. how long ago did this happen to it? in what ways? what led up to it?

[juju2]

wow Quiet time.

Am glad you found this site.

You can get support, help, hope here.

What helps me is journaling.

And since I have been a co dependent for as long as I can remember, I go to al anon.

It's hard to go to al anon now because the meetings are online.  I benefited by going to meetings and by being with others who are challenged.  The person in my life is my BF, undiagnosed BPD .  We are separated and he lives with a female who was his girlfriend and is now his roommate.  He says he is miserable and she has been going to move out for at least 6 months.  Every month it is a new reason why she hasn't moved out.

This site helps me because I can share what is going on.

You do not have to take any advice here.
You can listen to everyone and find at least one story that resonates with you and see how other people are resolving things...

For me, having a person with undiagnosed BPD in your life, it was making me crazy and still does.  He was diagnosed over 20 years ago and disabled from the disorder.  However he got a new doctor a few years ago, and after one visit, she declared him cured.  She isn't even a psychiatrist.  He was diagnosed by a psychiatrist...he cannot hold a job and gets disability because of BPD diagnosis.  It doesn't go away.  It can get better with treatment, they have to want the treatment.  Like with anything.

They would have to be honest and seek to get help which is very difficult, when they aren't honest with people about how they are.  My person with bpd thinks I have the problem.  And to tell the truth, I think I do have a problem...  being close to a person with bpd makes me crazy.  I see the half truths, I see the magical thinking, no follow thru.  It's hard to be the strong one and get this kind of behaviour for all of your sincere effort.  You get treated like dirt.