One giant pile with lots of interconnected strings

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

At the moment things are one giant pile with lots of interconnected strings. As I try to deal with one part of the pile, it inherently impacts another part of the pile. For example, D6 home schooling as mentioned before is suffering because W wants to take control of that but gets distracted and then drops control and responsibility without passing it over. Confronting this issue should be a simplistic issue, however, confronting it might lead to impacts elsewhere, say moving out discussions, financial negotiations... because all things are emotional rather than rationally dealt with in isolation. It’s sounds simplistic enough but in practice it’s slightly more challenging, but I’ve taken the mantra of “I will deal with all things as if they are in isolation, I will deal with all things fairly and truthfully, and if that has consequences elsewhere then I will deal with that.” If nothing else, there is an unarguable level of consistency, honesty and integrity in all parts of my decision making process and “operations”. I have found it far far less emotionally intensive and much less like trying to spin 1000 plates keeping everyone happy.

I confronted D6 home schooling yesterday pointing out that WE needed to ensure that her schooling did not fall through the gaps in our own work needs. I will continue to ensure that doesn’t happen in isolation of other things going on.

Enabler

[Enabler]

At the moment things are one giant pile with lots of interconnected strings. As I try to deal with one part of the pile, it inherently impacts another part of the pile. For example, D6 home schooling as mentioned before is suffering because W wants to take control of that but gets distracted and then drops control and responsibility without passing it over. Confronting this issue should be a simplistic issue, however, confronting it might lead to impacts elsewhere, say moving out discussions, financial negotiations... because all things are emotional rather than rationally dealt with in isolation. It’s sounds simplistic enough but in practice it’s slightly more challenging, but I’ve taken the mantra of “I will deal with all things as if they are in isolation, I will deal with all things fairly and truthfully, and if that has consequences elsewhere then I will deal with that.” If nothing else, there is an unarguable level of consistency, honesty and integrity in all parts of my decision making process and “operations”. I have found it far far less emotionally intensive and much less like trying to spin 1000 plates keeping everyone happy.

I confronted D6 home schooling yesterday pointing out that WE needed to ensure that her schooling did not fall through the gaps in our own work needs. I will continue to ensure that doesn’t happen in isolation of other things going on.

Enabler

[formflier]

I confronted D6 home schooling yesterday pointing out that WE needed to ensure that her schooling did not fall through the gaps in our own work needs. I will continue to ensure that doesn’t happen in isolation of other things going on.
 

I'm curious how the "confrontation" went? 

Perhaps a separate thread. 

It's up to you to lead the coparenting situation to a better place.  She has no hope of doing that. 

I see that as separate from how the past is "dealt with" (I realize some disagree those are separate).

Thougts?

Best,

FF

[Enabler]

Firstly, the kids are being told tomorrow in a format I am happy with. I accept that I have to give a little here however I don’t believe there are any untruths being told which I am comfortable with.

Regarding the confrontation. It went okay. It wasn’t specific and I didn’t blame or point out that she was dropping the ball, more said “this is the problem, I don’t mind picking up the home schooling if you’re jammed with work stuff, but I just need to know. I’m worried that we’re not giving her the attention she needs. Will you help me organise it better?”