Did i dodge a bullet or a trainwreck?

[Thebiglimp]

I know i should look at it objectively but even if i write it so this is how it comes out. 1st month great. I was her favorite person for a year so we figure what the hell and start a long distance relationship. Immediate love bombing from her end. Cant sleep cuz of her feelings, talk of the family ect. Weird dynamic with her ex btw. No boundaries whatsoever. Being a nice guy i dont put my foot down and instead keep nudging her about it which festers into an insecurity. Told her i would walk away if her weird thing with the ex continued and looking back that was a terrible thing to say to a bpd but i had no idea then since she made herself out to be a brutally strong woman. If she had her stuff figured out a healthy boundary shouldve been set against her ex regardless. Month 2 still going well then sudden 180 premptive strike. She sees on my phone my old dating contacts and has a meltdown. Saying ive been with too many women and she cant trust me. The next day shes suddenly using snapchat and disappears on me all night while putting my messenger on ignore. Comes back and says she drove around looking for restuarants and when i keep doubting she was alone she blows up and ends our exclusivity. Then keeps me on string for the next 10 days with steady trickle of lovebombs (i love you so much ect) then dumps me in totality altogether only to be on a camping trip with a new crush that weekend. Then she comes back and cries on phone that he rejected her. And ofcourse me being heartbroken, prideful and seeing how selfish she is, blow up on her. I threaten her with a smear campaign cuz i guess im a little NPD and can be nasty. From that she runs away so far ill never talk to her again.

Its been 4 weeks now and i still wake up every morning in panic and as my mind chase her visage in a cartwheel all i have to do is think about what she pulled at the end to make everything stop and find a moment of relief. The relief that my pride saved me from something terrible.

This woman was no slouch either. Mensa lvl IQ, 6 figure job, yet her life was a wreck.

I dont know, i still love her and wish i had done things differently but would it have mattered?

Thanks for reading guys. Sharing it here helps. And please excuse me for more venting thatll happen below in the future.

[grumpydonut]

Could you see yourself building a life with someone like this? What about when you have kids, and she decides she wants to go camping with someone else?

They don't think about anyone other than themselves. When they love bomb, they are usually doing it for themselves (to make sure you don't abandon them).

The more concerning thing from your post is that you consider yourself slightly NPD. If this is true, focus on healing from that so that you don't have more of these drama-filled girls down the line. I too threatened to smear my ex partner (out of fear that's what she would do to me) so I can definitely sympathise. Can I suggest that perhaps you may not be NPD, but reacting from trauma / abused state.

[Thebiglimp]

Could you see yourself building a life with someone like this? What about when you have kids, and she decides she wants to go camping with someone else?

They don't think about anyone other than themselves. When they love bomb, they are usually doing it for themselves (to make sure you don't abandon them).

The more concerning thing from your post is that you consider yourself slightly NPD. If this is true, focus on healing from that so that you don't have more of these drama-filled girls down the line. I too threatened to smear my ex partner (out of fear that's what she would do to me) so I can definitely sympathise. Can I suggest that perhaps you may not be NPD, but reacting from trauma / abused state.

Grumpy, i read your backposts and it looks as tho we dated the same woman, .

2 things i cant wrap my head around. I mean i already know the answers but the shock is fresh, even after 4 weeks.

1. How she could do such a complete 180.

The day b4 she broke up with me she said this- 'if this keeps working out ill give you the family, the love, and the companionship you desire.'

The next day im suddenly some bastard who she fears is gonna stalk her. What?

2. How she could lie about her image for so long.

Everything she made herself out to be for the last year (b4 we started dating) is so inconsitant with what she showed me at the end. At the end she had no empathy, no integrity, and turned out to be a compulsive liar. So the whole year before that of building herself up, was it an intentional con, or that they idealize even themselves without ever learning from their experiences?

I think a mix of both with mine.

And no im not a textbook npd nor even remotely close. How much heartbreak im suffering might be a good arguement for it, and how similarly we all have suffered here. I think these women somehow know to pick the same men for the thing they lack in themselves the most- a soul.