Dealing w/ mom BPD

[Sad4Her]

Hi all,
First off, I have to apologize to all of you. I was on this site a little over a year ago because of issues with mom. To be brief, she was living with me and I was trying to sell my house and separate from her. With therapy, I got to do that and for a while she was a bit easier to deal with so I did not go back to this forum and stopped therapy. I apologize to any and all who needed the support. I did not want to think about it anymore while I had some happiness and that was selfish and I'm so sorry.
Second, I am once again, here for support myself. My story is long to recap and tell the new parts of so I will come on in a day or two when I have the energy to write it all .
I just had to come on and apologize before I could ever possibly ask to join back in. I wish you all well and if you are new to this site I'm sure you will find the comfort that I found knowing there are so many others going through the same thing who can understand the turmoil.
Thank you and talk soon.

[Panda39]

Welcome back 

No worries about stepping back from our site for awhile, we all have lives 

It sounds like you sold the house, and I assume you and your mom each have your own place now? 

Hope to hear more of your story,

Panda39

[Sad4Her]

Hi Panda39,

Nice to talk again. Thank you for the welcome. Yes, I have sold the house and am now in NJ. Where do I start? Had a ruff time getting her to leave so I could sell. It was not pretty. When I finally got her out, a good friend of hers offered to take her in. I did warn her that she would have a hard time getting my mother to leave. I felt so guilty for doing that but I could not sleep letting her go in to this blindly. It's amazing that BPD people can somewhat control themselves in front of people and make them think that they are just "hard to deal with". However, living with them is a different ballgame. They CANNOT control themselves for long. So, getting back. I have been somewhat happy since moving and being apart from mom but still lived with the anxiety of knowing she would be asked to leave her friend's home eventually. Then it came true. Her friend was calling me and I finally said, "do what you have to do, I cannot come any drag her out so evict her or whatever." At this point, all my anxieties and anger came back. I was also angry with her friend because I warned her, yet here I was and it was becoming my problem again. After much stress and turmoil on my end, my cousin told me she was going to have my mom stay with her for the fall and come summer time my mom would have to come here to NJ and stay with her sister until she found her own place. I told her that it was a bad idea and that my mom would not leave and become a problem for me again. She didn't listen and it became a problem again. Now I have finally found my mom an apt near me and am having anxiety over dealing with her moving and outbursts because she is scared to live alone. There's so much more but I will continue my story again. Thanks again Panda39!

[Methuen]

Hi there Sadforher,

Welcome back.  I joined this forum last summer, and it has been a godsend for me.

I just had to say, that when I read your post, I overwhelmingly heard FOG FOG FOG.

I'm going to challenge a couple of things, and I'm hoping that's ok

First off, I have to apologize to all of you.

Eh?  Posting here is voluntary dear friend.  It appears that perhaps you have been conditioned to apologise   for things you don't need to apologise for.  Does that fit?  It's ok, sadforher.  We're here for you.  It's support - without obligation!  

I did not want to think about it anymore while I had some happiness and that was selfish and I'm so sorry.

Eh?  Why was having a bit of happiness selfish?  That sounds like your pwBPD talking again, because you were caring for your needs instead of theirs.  The good news is that's not selfish...it's responsible. So good for you! The time is always right to care for your own needs.
  

Now I have finally found my mom an apt near me and am having anxiety over dealing with her moving and outbursts because she is scared to live alone.

She's pushing your buttons.  This is the obligation and guilt in FOG, which is being driven by her fear.  If you get sucked into this vortex all over again, you already know what will happen.  Figure out what your boundaries are.  Use your own values to help you with that.  Then hold the boundaries you set.  Yes she will push back, but stick to your boundaries anyways.  Or you will get sucked into that black hole.  

Have to been able to be in touch with your therapist again yet?  I found the support of my T along with this forum to be super helpful.  Do you live alone?  Partner?  Room-mates?  People you trust?

Welcome back.

[Sad4Her]

Methuen,

Thanks for your posts. I get what you are saying but my apologies are just that and not do to dealing with my mother ( which I do overly apologize all my life because of it ). However, I feel the need to apologize to everyone here because I've always had an issue with the fact that I have taken care of my entire family and friends, whether it be mental support or money, and there is no one ever caring enough or capable to take care of my needs. I never want to be that person. I want to get support from you guys and be there for you as well. I have not reached out to my therapist again because I am trying to find someone who understands BPD and can better equip me in dealing with it. My therapist did wonders for me but it's now time to move on.