how to parent a 15 year old with bpd

[Curiosity]

Hi. I just found this group. I have a fifteen year old adopted transgender son who has severe attachment issues that have been diagnosed as BPD. I know that at times developmental trauma/complex trauma and BPD are lumped together but at this point i don't care as much about diagnosis as I do needing to find a way to survive life with this child. He is volatile, bullying, intimidating, aggressive when he thinks he's being abandoned. Not getting his way feels like rejection to him so setting healthy reasonable boundaries becomes an exercise of duck and take cover. I just don't know how to parent with gentle, clear, simple boundaries when he will not EVER take responsibility for his part in relationship, disagreement etc.  Any advice? Book recommendations? Help?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[NorthernMom]

Just new to this entire situation of parenting a teen with un-diagnosed mental illness complexities...but they line up with everything I have read about BPD.

Have you tried accessing counseling yourself or attending any group therapy for parents of teens with mental illness?

There is quite a bit of literature and information on this site and others about BPD.   I would keep up the efforts to research, take baby steps of small changes with how you approach, don't expect monumental immediate change but rather evolutionary pace progress...and definitely try to go to counseling yourself to help reinforce your wellness and garner guidance/tips/tools/boundary setting etc.

And never stop letting him know and showing you love him.  There is a person in there who needs that re-assurance no matter how hostile and hateful the outside is.