Trying to reverse a break up

My first post!
Any advice is appreciated and welcomed!

We live about a four hour drive from each other. About a month out from break up. 12 year relationship with girlfriend (formally diagnosed with BPD). Also a 7 year cancer survivor. I’ve been with her through so much. Every oncology visit. Every doctor visit. Sat in a chair next to her hospital bed overnight so she wasn’t alone and went to work the next day. Repeat, until she was discharged. In the beginning we went through a few cycles of break up, reconnect. She was diagnosed with BPD. I read everything I could, so I could understand what she was going through and to help support her better. She was in treatment and trying some meds. She was making slow progress and things were getting even better than in the past.

Fast forward a month ago. We were texting. And I could tell she was getting distant and short in her replies. She Says. I’m done with meds, done with counseling, the diagnosis of BPD was fake. I don’t have it. Me: I can tell you’re really upset and frustrated, do you want to talk about it? No, she says and gets worse.I said “bye” ended the call. I was angry too by that time. It was Late and I didn’t call back that night. She didn’t call me. Days turned into two weeks. I know, Extreme childish on my part.

I figure, I’m blocked on all social media and her phone. Like previous times. I check, nope, not blocked. I text. It goes through. She responds and is full of rage. I’m thinking, I did it that time. She hates me now. Try again the next day. Much better. She’s still mad. But talks.

This is different this time. In the past, she would be made for about a day then shift back to her old self and we’d work things out. This time, we’ve been texting for a week and a half. She’s not mad, but part of that old self is gone. She isn’t texting the same. Every ounce in awhile I see the old her come out, then it goes away. I asked her. It seems like you’re trying to force or hide your feelings for me, because they keep sneaking out for a minute and you tuck them back away. She replied. No, this is the real me now. She will contact me first about as much as I contact her now. But zero use of any terms of endearment and
No more talk of a relationship. She gets angry easier now, and seems more depressed.

She hasn’t replaced me, I verified through a mutual friend. Who said no, she hasn’t even talked to any other men, she doesn’t want to. I can’t figure out or understand this new her, barely like a new person I’m talking too. I’m beating myself up for being childish before. I have apologized to her and explained my actions. She said. Maybe you did it on purpose. She has been twisting and distorting a lot of things it seems, in order to hate me. At least that’s what it feels like.

Anyone have ideas. Is she erasing me from her life?



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