Overwhelmed by Unreal BPD Story : Ef GF escort, STD , Restraining Order

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Boy am I glad this site exists. Its been extremely difficult trying to find anyone or any resource that I can reach out to that can level with what I am going through as even I would have trouble understanding if I weren't going through it .  Even through I have tried to get help from my therapist, I still feel like her recommendations haven't been adequate simply b.c. she has not lived through what I have.  After spending a few weeks going through the forums I feel like I am ready and needing to post my own story as it encompasses so much of what everyone else is going through , but also has its own unique elements and I am desperately needing outside advice  on what to do next.
   I met my exGfwBPD on a dating app.  I had spent the last several months prior to meeting her traveling all over as Covid afforded me the opportunity to work from anywhere I had internet access and hotel prices were cheaper than my rent. Ill be honest and say I was pretty much fishing for new girls to hook up with and going to the next city to meet  them . The night I met my exGFwBPD I thought it would just be another fling , but it ended up being a life changing traumatic experience.  To make a long story short, we did some molly that was unknowingly laced with opiates and she OD'd on me as we were hooking up. I had to perform CPR on her and was keeping her alive with every breathe until paramedics came and revived her with Narcan. I thought she was gone . Watching her go from dead to alive and playing a part in it was heavy and changed my overall perspective on life .  It also made me feel  responsible for her and that this was the universe's way of telling me her life was one that mattered and that I should pay attention to . From that moment on and for the next 5 months I saw her nearly every day . I committed myself to becoming a better person in her eyes and did whatever I could to make her happy. This included getting sober from a pill addiction , starting to do classes and therapy for my own mental health, and settling into a place close to hers.  Everything I did helped move my life in a positive direction and made me value her for it . Then , JUST LIKE THAT, it stopped and EvERYTHING seemed to crash and go to PLEASE READ seemingly overnight.
  My exGFwBPD  was constantly paranoid about her ex husband monitoring her as he was the tech Director for a huge company and had the resources and know how to pretty much do anything you see possible on TV.  The stress from the paranoia lead to her having a somatic response which made her ill as it  manifested in physical mini tumors lining her GI tract. Being in tech myself, I was able to address  her concerns regarding suspect happenings. I took her paranoid thoughts seriously , addressed them and spent countless hours doing things like  scanning her entire home inch by inch looking for "bugs", or analyzing her USB sticks for malware . I know that it helped her greatly as I witnessed the  physical  stress  dissipate from her demeanor . Looking back I feel that this may be the reason she "needed" me in her life. I know that anyone else would most likely just dismiss her paranoia , but I took it seriously .
   In addition to the constant tech paranoia, several  incidents / red flags occurred during our 5 month roller coaster which are so unbelievable that my perception of reality and moral principles are now greatly distorted. One of the first things she did 2 months into our relationship was use a burner phone that I had purchased and given to her to setup her internet network to make a false death threat to herself . She disappeared one weekend without giving any notice and then returned saying that she stayed at a domestic violence shelter in response to the death threat message she received . . Strangely , the 'threat' source  didnt block his # so  I saw the death threat message I immediately called it and received an error message saying that the "Verizon Phone was not in service"- the same message my burner phone gives . When asked her about the whereabouts of the phone and if she used it and   she lashed out stating that I was using it to track her. She was using a device that linked back  to me to commit a serious crime and instead of apologizing or do anything to rectify the situation , she gaslit me into believing that I somehow was doing wrong and got me to refocus my attention towards proving to her that I wasnt tracking her. 
The next day after she came back she got me to help her fill out the retainer forms for a new lawyer. I asked her how she got the money for a retainer as I was helping her to get a loan before she disappeared but her credit was shot.  I was dumb enough to believe her response that the attorney only charged by the hour and didnt take a regular retainer . She somehow came up with 5k for a new attorney while staying at a DV shelter of the weekend...
 In

 

[samIam85]

Boy am I glad this site exists. Its been extremely difficult trying to find anyone or any resource that I can reach out to that can level with what I am going through as even I would have trouble understanding if I weren't going through it .  Even through I have tried to get help from my therapist, I still feel like her recommendations haven't been adequate simply b.c. she has not lived through what I have.  After spending a few weeks going through the forums I feel like I am ready and needing to post my own story as it encompasses so much of what everyone else is going through , but also has its own unique elements and I am desperately needing outside advice  on what to do next.
   I met my exGfwBPD on a dating app.  I had spent the last several months prior to meeting her traveling all over as Covid afforded me the opportunity to work from anywhere I had internet access and hotel prices were cheaper than my rent. Ill be honest and say I was pretty much fishing for new girls to hook up with and going to the next city to meet  them . The night I met my exGFwBPD I thought it would just be another fling , but it ended up being a life changing traumatic experience.  To make a long story short, we did some molly that was unknowingly laced with opiates and she OD'd on me as we were hooking up. I had to perform CPR on her and was keeping her alive with every breathe until paramedics came and revived her with Narcan. I thought she was gone . Watching her go from dead to alive and playing a part in it was heavy and changed my overall perspective on life .  It also made me feel  responsible for her and that this was the universe's way of telling me her life was one that mattered and that I should pay attention to . From that moment on and for the next 5 months I saw her nearly every day . I committed myself to becoming a better person in her eyes and did whatever I could to make her happy. This included getting sober from a pill addiction , starting to do classes and therapy for my own mental health, and settling into a place close to hers.  Everything I did helped move my life in a positive direction and made me value her for it . Then , JUST LIKE THAT, it stopped and EvERYTHING seemed to crash and go to PLEASE READ seemingly overnight.
  My exGFwBPD  was constantly paranoid about her ex husband monitoring her as he was the tech Director for a huge company and had the resources and know how to pretty much do anything you see possible on TV.  The stress from the paranoia lead to her having a somatic response which made her ill as it  manifested in physical mini tumors lining her GI tract. Being in tech myself, I was able to address  her concerns regarding suspect happenings. I took her paranoid thoughts seriously , addressed them and spent countless hours doing things like  scanning her entire home inch by inch looking for "bugs", or analyzing her USB sticks for malware . I know that it helped her greatly as I witnessed the  physical  stress  dissipate from her demeanor . Looking back I feel that this may be the reason she "needed" me in her life. I know that anyone else would most likely just dismiss her paranoia , but I took it seriously .
   In addition to the constant tech paranoia, several  incidents / red flags occurred during our 5 month roller coaster which are so unbelievable that my perception of reality and moral principles are now greatly distorted. One of the first things she did 2 months into our relationship was use a burner phone that I had purchased and given to her to setup her internet network to make a false death threat to herself . She disappeared one weekend without giving any notice and then returned saying that she stayed at a domestic violence shelter in response to the death threat message she received . . Strangely , the 'threat' source  didnt block his # so  I saw the death threat message I immediately called it and received an error message saying that the "Verizon Phone was not in service"- the same message my burner phone gives . When asked her about the whereabouts of the phone and if she used it and   she lashed out stating that I was using it to track her. She was using a device that linked back  to me to commit a serious crime and instead of apologizing or do anything to rectify the situation , she gaslit me into believing that I somehow was doing wrong and got me to refocus my attention towards proving to her that I wasnt tracking her. 
The next day after she came back she got me to help her fill out the retainer forms for a new lawyer. I asked her how she got the money for a retainer as I was helping her to get a loan before she disappeared but her credit was shot.  I was dumb enough to believe her response that the attorney only charged by the hour and didnt take a regular retainer . She somehow came up with 5k for a new attorney while staying at a DV shelter of the weekend...
 In

 

[SinisterComplex]

Boy am I glad this site exists. Its been extremely difficult trying to find anyone or any resource that I can reach out to that can level with what I am going through as even I would have trouble understanding if I weren't going through it .  Even through I have tried to get help from my therapist, I still feel like her recommendations haven't been adequate simply b.c. she has not lived through what I have.  After spending a few weeks going through the forums I feel like I am ready and needing to post my own story as it encompasses so much of what everyone else is going through , but also has its own unique elements and I am desperately needing outside advice  on what to do next.
   I met my exGfwBPD on a dating app.  I had spent the last several months prior to meeting her traveling all over as Covid afforded me the opportunity to work from anywhere I had internet access and hotel prices were cheaper than my rent. Ill be honest and say I was pretty much fishing for new girls to hook up with and going to the next city to meet  them . The night I met my exGFwBPD I thought it would just be another fling , but it ended up being a life changing traumatic experience.  To make a long story short, we did some molly that was unknowingly laced with opiates and she OD'd on me as we were hooking up. I had to perform CPR on her and was keeping her alive with every breathe until paramedics came and revived her with Narcan. I thought she was gone . Watching her go from dead to alive and playing a part in it was heavy and changed my overall perspective on life .  It also made me feel  responsible for her and that this was the universe's way of telling me her life was one that mattered and that I should pay attention to . From that moment on and for the next 5 months I saw her nearly every day . I committed myself to becoming a better person in her eyes and did whatever I could to make her happy. This included getting sober from a pill addiction , starting to do classes and therapy for my own mental health, and settling into a place close to hers.  Everything I did helped move my life in a positive direction and made me value her for it . Then , JUST LIKE THAT, it stopped and EvERYTHING seemed to crash and go to PLEASE READ seemingly overnight.
  My exGFwBPD  was constantly paranoid about her ex husband monitoring her as he was the tech Director for a huge company and had the resources and know how to pretty much do anything you see possible on TV.  The stress from the paranoia lead to her having a somatic response which made her ill as it  manifested in physical mini tumors lining her GI tract. Being in tech myself, I was able to address  her concerns regarding suspect happenings. I took her paranoid thoughts seriously , addressed them and spent countless hours doing things like  scanning her entire home inch by inch looking for "bugs", or analyzing her USB sticks for malware . I know that it helped her greatly as I witnessed the  physical  stress  dissipate from her demeanor . Looking back I feel that this may be the reason she "needed" me in her life. I know that anyone else would most likely just dismiss her paranoia , but I took it seriously .
   In addition to the constant tech paranoia, several  incidents / red flags occurred during our 5 month roller coaster which are so unbelievable that my perception of reality and moral principles are now greatly distorted. One of the first things she did 2 months into our relationship was use a burner phone that I had purchased and given to her to setup her internet network to make a false death threat to herself . She disappeared one weekend without giving any notice and then returned saying that she stayed at a domestic violence shelter in response to the death threat message she received . . Strangely , the 'threat' source  didnt block his # so  I saw the death threat message I immediately called it and received an error message saying that the "Verizon Phone was not in service"- the same message my burner phone gives . When asked her about the whereabouts of the phone and if she used it and   she lashed out stating that I was using it to track her. She was using a device that linked back  to me to commit a serious crime and instead of apologizing or do anything to rectify the situation , she gaslit me into believing that I somehow was doing wrong and got me to refocus my attention towards proving to her that I wasnt tracking her. 
The next day after she came back she got me to help her fill out the retainer forms for a new lawyer. I asked her how she got the money for a retainer as I was helping her to get a loan before she disappeared but her credit was shot.  I was dumb enough to believe her response that the attorney only charged by the hour and didnt take a regular retainer . She somehow came up with 5k for a new attorney while staying at a DV shelter of the weekend...
 In

 

First, Welcome.  . You are safe here and you picked a great resource to use. You will find many members here with similar stories. Different wrinkles of course, but the end results being very similar. As per the usual with these stories...whew that is a lot to unpack.

Before we delve too deep into things, what are your goals here? What do you hope to achieve? What kind of advice are you looking for specifically?

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[samIam85]

I'm almost 3 months out of a relationship with my exWbpd and I still find myself traumatized and almost paralyzed by the aftermath and what I've gone through. Whats worse is I SSTILL love the girl and KNOW I shouldn't . I'm in the process of getting my own RO against her b.c. her BPD has made her vindictive as she has gotten her Johns ( I found out that she was escort ) to go as far as commit a hit and run nearly killing me ...
The 6 months we had together were a rollercoaster romance. So many things that one would consider common sense were foreign to her and therefore caused so many fights. Like why dating the guy that raped your best friend might be wrong or dangerous( story to come). I got to the devalue stage almost immediately after she stopped 'needing' me. Her BPD caused massive stress paranoia focused on tech. As a programmer , I was able to calm her worries whenever she suspected something. Then one day I convinced her she need not worry about it anymore b.c. I paid someone who use to work for the CIA tech dept to stop it -( I learned to lie from the best I guess ). Mere days after this she started acting sketchy- hanging up the phone and sudden 'errands'. She became very irritable and tried to make me feel guilty for anything she could even when she had no reason to.
One night she went out with a friend and called me at 5 am to pick her up but when I called back she wouldn't pick up and didn't do so until 3 hours later. She made up some Bs story that I called her out on and the next day right after she gets me to have sex  , as Im getting my own space from her to 4get the blatant betrayal , she not only breaks up with me and guilts me about talking space , she tries to make me jealous by telling me she already had a date for the night .!
Fast forward to today I find out that break up was planned and needed as she had been paid to escort some guy or guys for the next week and a half. unfortunately , the first night,the one that lead to the break up, her friend w her was raped by both men they were with and my exWBPd actually LET it happen . More fd up is that she had started to have unprotectected sex with one of the guys at the time when I was calling her back and she only stopped bit b.c.i was calling , but b.c. her friend was so drunk that the guy wanted to have a 3 some and  my exWBPD didn't want to 'share' in bed !
Anyway, I end up getting an STD from her and that ordeal a week later. She denied the whole thing and my gullible ass believed her even as this thing was growing on my nuts. She tries to start the relationship over again after missing her period the weekend after her escorting was done. We get back together for a few weeks all the while , unbeknownst to me, she is still communicating with one of the same guys that raped her friend .
Things hit the fan on July 4th where my fireworks were her slipping up telling me she left out details about the one night I caught her and then starts making threats to me after I call her out on the fact that the thing on my nuts HAD TO BE a real STD.!  
I start losing my mind as from that day on she starts retracting her statements , refusing to give me any further info, then starts to belittle me for believing I have an STD . Then one night , while waiting for my std results, she calls me to tell me she missed me but slips up and saids that she had just been bad with the guy she was with ! My hysteria goes into overload as she slips up more throughout the following days as I'm begging her for info related to the STD  and she reveals shes still talking to the rapist/std host and that she slept with multiple me the last month we were together. I tell her I'm falling apart mentally and that I need to talk to a shrink and that doing so could jepordize her custody  if she didn't get help herself so she runs to the police to tell them my efforts to get info about the STD were my obsessive acts to try and get her to love me again by harassing her! The cop believes her and assists in starting a RO. Meanwhile I start to notice that the threats she made were coming true as people start following me while driving . Then one night one of those cars jackknifes me sending me straight to the opposite side of the freeway nearly killing me ! Her followup to this was sending me a private process server to my parents house to announce loudly to my neighborhood 'm now stalking her. In the days to come more people start shadowing my mom's place until one night I see what appears to be a gun pointed out the window on their ring cam and at that point file to start my own RO. Come hearing time I am shocked to see a 3 person team of lawyers on her bench indicating to me that she started 'work' again to be able to hire them which leads me to where I am now with a continuance requested as I need to prep hard for what's to come.Ill admit I feel like I got some sort of revenge by revealing her as a prostitute but feel terrible that its true. Right now I am certain she has reinitiated contact with at least one of her Johns who is most likely responsible for the hit and run and is providing her unlimited funds for her legal team. I am scared , tired , depressed ,lost , heartbroken , and so confused . I have no idea how she continues this tirade of treacherous actions when all I did was try to love her and her daughter. I know she had BPD which is the only reason I am able to come to terms with everything without closure but I honestly can't help but start having a panic attack every time I think about how messed up my life has become due to her. It's almost impossible to talk to anyone about this without being met with disbelief b.c. the story is so unbelievable even to me . I find myself traumatized, /paralyzed every time I try to do anything productive. People just tell me to forget and move on but how can I when it's not over. I don't see how her family , who is helping her with the litigation , is able to assist her with going forward as there is documented evidence of her misdoings. When I leave my house im looking over my shoulder and limping from my injury but am not doing anything about b.c. I'm too distraught to do anything . How does one get through this ?