Just broke up.

[asilvares]

Hello! I surely need help after reading some articles on this website. This will be an harder than usual breakup, even more difficult considering that it was my first relationship. Lasted for almost 5 years but on the last year it became clear for both that this would not work.

[SinisterComplex]

Hello! I surely need help after reading some articles on this website. This will be an harder than usual breakup, even more difficult considering that it was my first relationship. Lasted for almost 5 years but on the last year it became clear for both that this would not work.

Hello and welcome.  In order for us to help you please provide some details. You can feel rest assured and safe here that you will not be judged and you that you do not have to feel any shame or guilt. Share as much as you feel comfortable with, but please let out the weight that is sitting on you. It's ok. This family here has your back.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[asilvares]

Thanks for the welcoming. Happy to be here with people that have been though something similar.

I'm okay with sharing as many details as possible in order to be able to move forward! I'm just not sure what details to share. It's been a long and wild journey and there's a lot to digest.

I don't feel shame. Maybe a bit guilty because, even if my brain knows that dealing with a BP might make me feel guilty it's still hard not to feel that way.

I'm struggling a lot because, even if we both know this is the best decision moving forward, I'm too attached to her and just the fact that I have to imagine my life without her is brining me a lot of sadness.

We lived together in an expensive city, so it's a drawback for both because we either need to go back to sharing flats with other people or in my case, maybe return to my hometown where I have my support network of family and some friends.

Also, the house was pretty much empty when we moved, so there's a lot of money invested there and we still have this process of deciding who takes what that it's delaying the grieving process that I have to entail...

I spent this weekend at my parents house in my hometown, but I'm going back again later today (350km ride) to keep working on the house stuff. We need to give a 3 month notice before leaving so we're trying to figure everything about the house before giving this notice, as there is no option to cancel after it.

I would really love to keep being her friend after this but I'm not sure if this is good or bad. Right now, imagining my life without her, even as a friend, hurts a lot.

But yeah, if someone has been trough this, please let me know what details you feel are important for me to share, in order to move forward...

[SinisterComplex]

AS, you will find that many members have been in your shoes.

So tell us about your relationship. Provide examples of the abnormal behavior. Discuss any red flags you have seen beforehand, but perhaps breezed right on by.

There is a lot to this story where some key details are needed. No labels or judgments about disorders, etc should be considered or made since there are so many things that could be at play.

So, to help you along. What drew you two together? How did you meet? Discuss your relationship in depth. When was the first time you felt something was off and not right, but you looked past it?

I have given you some starting points...let's go from there.

Additionally, I will provide as much insight as I can. I will be honest and upfront that I am a bit different than most and I will tell what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear. So if I come off blunt...remember I am here to help and not offend so please do not take offense. I always like to get that out of the way.

Now please vent and share your story and let us try to get you on a path towards healing.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[Lucky Jim]

Hey asilvares, Welcome!  Sorry to hear what you are going through.  Five years is a long time.  What makes you think that your Ex suffers from BPD?  How did you hear about BPD?  I was married for almost 10 years before I learned about BPD.  As a starting point, I suggest you focus on yourself and your needs.  Many of us have been involved in various recycle attempts, so let us know if you are hoping for a recycle, which is quite common after a b/u with a pwBPD.  What sort of emotions are you experiencing?  Feel free to ask any particular questions.

LuckyJim