I was in a relationship for nearly 10 years and 7 of the 10 were fabulous and the final 3 worsened year by year. My ex had been married several times and I never had. She was 14 years my senior and she had 2 older daughters, one of which had 2 young children. My ex watched the children when her youngest daughter worked so needless to say they were around a lot and not having any kids of my own, I loved these kids with all my heart.
She recommended we go to counseling and I agreed 100% to try and improve things. At every counselor (4 different ones) I was totally honest about everything and when the counselors began looking at her past, she made a scene and it was over.
I woke up one morning and kissed her and the grandkids goodbye and thought things were ok. When I got to her house that evening there were 2 cops (who I knew) that told me I had to go to my house and couldn’t come back because she had filed an order of protection against me. I was devastated because I never once did anything to hurt her or any of her family and loved them all and did everything I could for all of them. I tried talking to her 8 times prior to the op hearing and she called the cops every time and I didn’t run away but left after talking to the police. My family advised me not to pursue her any longer and I mistakenly didn’t go to the op hearing and she was successful in getting it awarded.
Needless to say, I had second thoughts and sent her flowers and went to jail. I wrote her girls letters to ask for help and went to jail. I’ve never been in trouble so this was a learning experience and cost me a substantial amount of money in bonding and legal expenses and am finalizing things next week with it.
I am dating a woman that my ex graduated high school with and have been advised by another that it eats her (my ex) up that we are dating. I have looked at her social media account once to see the guy she met online and married after 2 weeks and divorced after 3 months. She is a total disaster and seems to be very careless in thinking about anyone but herself. When I checked her Social media out, I noticed that some content is from the time we were together. The pics of the grandkids and me, I understand but there are many that confuse me. Almost every bunch of flowers I ever sent her are still on there and there are a lot and comments about her affection for me in the comments section. Others include pics of me and my guys taking a huge tree out of her back yard with one of my cranes and how thankful she was to me for doing it and once again the affection she felt. The most confusing one is as follows. One night I took her GD refrigerator magnet letters and put our initials with x between them and below it I put “I love you forever”. She still has it and all the comments on her social media but refuses to speak to me and I’m totally confused And if anyone can help explain this, please help.
Btw, I stumbled upon this website and it scared me how accurate some of the stories are to mine. I’ve been reading up in an attempt to gain some self help about my situation. I am dating but am hung up on my ex and want to talk to her so badly but know it’s not a good idea.
Let me know your thoughts.
Tired...first Welcome.
I will be happy to help as much as I can as well. Woolsy mentioned perhaps the most important question which is to figure out what you think keeps you so tightly bonded to this now defunct relationship.
The unfortunate reality is that you got a raw deal and a potent dose of a lesson in dealing with disordered personality. Yes, it sucks. It hurts like hell, but guess what? You are alive. You survived. You are going to be ok and you will come out stronger and a better version of yourself on the other side of this. Yes, I see you are dating, but yet its the previous relationship governing your mind. That isn't healthy and will potentially ruin the current relationship.
Anyway, I'll provide more feedback as we engage more, but I do have to ask some other questions before I bid you adieu. Was or is she diagnosed with any personality disorder? Has she ever been prescribed medication pertaining to mental health? Any mention of depression. Suicidal ideologies?
Before you committed into this relationship were there any red flags you feel you blew right past? Did she ever cheat on you? Did she have impulsive tendencies? Spending problems?
Also, tell us about yourself.
Cheers and best wishes!
-SC-
BTW...Hope all is well Wools. Hopefully you are feeling happier and lighter than ever.
