found out ex is now married; closure finally arrived

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It has been quite awhile since I have posted here.  I have taken a break from relationships.  I have done healing on myself etc and for the most part I have been content with where I am at.  I have also learned alot about my triggers and reasons for my attraction points in the past. 

With that said, I have what feels like a psychic connection to my exgf.  I never had closure and part of it was my fault but regardless, she has always been in the back of my mind and I have wondered what happened to her.  Well, this morning, I woke up in the middle of the night after having a dream that something happened with her.  She had deleted her fb account after we broke up and so there was no way to check in on social media even if I wanted to.   But after waking up and having the dream the words "marriage" just kept popping into my head. It was weird but I decided to do a search for her on marriage records- again don't know why but if anyone has every had strange intuitive thoughts pop into their head maybe you can relate.  So i went to her local areas court house records and bam there it was - Just GOT Married.  within the last 20 days! 

So I feel like the universe has given me closure but I do have mixed feelings.  Part of me feels robbed like maybe she healed or got help and now he's the benefactor of that?  She needed citizenship and was on a quest to get married so I felt like this was eventually going to happen; it was just interesting how the psychic connection played out.   

In some ways I am free but I don't feel like celebrating yet.  Is that normal?  I probably shouldn't ask about "normal" because who knows what normal is anyway.  I think I'm just asking if anyone else has experienced these bittersweet feelings.  The truth is I never stopped loving her.  A part of my brain doesn't understand why she was abusive to me (even though i consciously understand how things go with bpd) and now she has found another but I'm still recovering.   I was also realizing on one hand I could have dodged a bullet but still I'm experiencing both sets of feelings.   I guess I was feeling alone in this and wanted to jump on the board to see if anyone else has thoughts they would like to share about similar situations etc.  thank you.

[truthbeknown]

It has been quite awhile since I have posted here.  I have taken a break from relationships.  I have done healing on myself etc and for the most part I have been content with where I am at.  I have also learned alot about my triggers and reasons for my attraction points in the past. 

With that said, I have what feels like a psychic connection to my exgf.  I never had closure and part of it was my fault but regardless, she has always been in the back of my mind and I have wondered what happened to her.  Well, this morning, I woke up in the middle of the night after having a dream that something happened with her.  She had deleted her fb account after we broke up and so there was no way to check in on social media even if I wanted to.   But after waking up and having the dream the words "marriage" just kept popping into my head. It was weird but I decided to do a search for her on marriage records- again don't know why but if anyone has every had strange intuitive thoughts pop into their head maybe you can relate.  So i went to her local areas court house records and bam there it was - Just GOT Married.  within the last 20 days! 

So I feel like the universe has given me closure but I do have mixed feelings.  Part of me feels robbed like maybe she healed or got help and now he's the benefactor of that?  She needed citizenship and was on a quest to get married so I felt like this was eventually going to happen; it was just interesting how the psychic connection played out.   

In some ways I am free but I don't feel like celebrating yet.  Is that normal?  I probably shouldn't ask about "normal" because who knows what normal is anyway.  I think I'm just asking if anyone else has experienced these bittersweet feelings.  The truth is I never stopped loving her.  A part of my brain doesn't understand why she was abusive to me (even though i consciously understand how things go with bpd) and now she has found another but I'm still recovering.   I was also realizing on one hand I could have dodged a bullet but still I'm experiencing both sets of feelings.   I guess I was feeling alone in this and wanted to jump on the board to see if anyone else has thoughts they would like to share about similar situations etc.  thank you.

[harbinger70]

In my experiences, if someone needs to get married for citizenship purposes, they’ll find someone to marry them. My ex-wife was in this boat and after we got hitched she started cheating. Mind you, I’m not on these boards because of her, but rather my most recent exgf who most definitely has uBPD. I’ve known many people in my life who got married for citizenship or business reasons. They tend to not work out. Don’t get upset thinking this guy figured her out and she's a changed woman. Odds are, she strung this guy along and got him to put a ring on her finger. Look back in a couple years after the paperwork goes thru or they have a baby and she’ll be single again.

[truthbeknown]

Harbinger,

yeah I kind've thought of that today too.  She needs 3 years to be exact but I won't be here when the bow breaks or her cradle falls if you know what I mean?   Just needed to vent a little because it was interesting how it came to me. 

thanks