About to lose my granddaughter

[Parents! Get help here!]

I don't know what to do, my 30yo daughter has BPD and Addiction issues. It's a long story why but CPS took her baby girl almost 3 yrs ago and she should of could of had her back by now but this whole experience has been akin to trying to push a rope as far as getting her to meet the requirements.  I just don't know how it what I can say or do to light a fire under her. Apparently the idea that she could lose her isn't real to her or she just doesn't care? Meanwhile the baby who was 18mo has just turned 4 and is starting to see things aren't right and the stress of all this is breaking the heart and soul of my 75yo mother and myself.
My daughter has just spiraled into someone that we can't stand or want anything to do with. If it weren't for the supervised visits that she has to be at I wouldn't. I want to tell her if she loses the babygirl she loses us but I keep reading how that would be very bad to do.
There are no answers to this convoluted hopeless situation I know that. I just appreciate finding this place and being able to just vent. Thank you

[Turtlegirl71]

I don't know what to do, my 30yo daughter has BPD and Addiction issues. It's a long story why but CPS took her baby girl almost 3 yrs ago and she should of could of had her back by now but this whole experience has been akin to trying to push a rope as far as getting her to meet the requirements.  I just don't know how it what I can say or do to light a fire under her. Apparently the idea that she could lose her isn't real to her or she just doesn't care? Meanwhile the baby who was 18mo has just turned 4 and is starting to see things aren't right and the stress of all this is breaking the heart and soul of my 75yo mother and myself.
My daughter has just spiraled into someone that we can't stand or want anything to do with. If it weren't for the supervised visits that she has to be at I wouldn't. I want to tell her if she loses the babygirl she loses us but I keep reading how that would be very bad to do.
There are no answers to this convoluted hopeless situation I know that. I just appreciate finding this place and being able to just vent. Thank you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[beatricex]

hi turtlegirl71,
I can relate to everything you said, it is deeply disturbing watching someone with a child self destruct and feeling helpless to do anything about it.  I also have added guilt for talking about it (even here in an anonymous forum), as me caring at all seems to trigger my step daughters as I shouldn't care as I'm not their "blood" (their words).  I think but don't say "I'm married to your father!  of course I care about your kids, his grandkids, I'm not a cold heartless *****."   I have empathy, I feel, I'm in this family too.

I found this youtube channel soothing, I hope it helps you to
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvWccOLdxzY

Please share more if you like. 
 
b

[Sancho]

Hi Turtlegirl71
What is happening that you say you are about to lose your little girl? I am thinking that it means she will be put up for adoption if your dd doesn't meet certain criteria by a certain time?

Has there been any talk of the little one being placed in your care? Perhaps this is not possible.

This situation is heart-breaking and so difficult for the child. Is there any way you can keep in contact with the little one? It is hard to know what to say without knowing the details, but clearly you are attached to your baby girl and I think your connection should be able to continue, no matter the difficulties that your dd is experiencing, surely the care team should see that keeping a connection with you is so important for the child.

Sending thoughts . . . . .