Rollercoaster

[Playmisty33]

I was married for 12 years to a very kind, stable man but I felt something was missing as we didn’t have an emotional connection and I had zero interest in sex. Didn’t think about sex, didn’t care if I never had sex again.. we have a child and both teach at same school so still work together. We have a very healthy coparenting relationship with real boundaries, I have my life, he has his, we share time with our child but not as a family unit, we do so one on one with our child. I have only been with men, never thought about a woman. Well, I met a friend who is a lesbian and somehow we started a relationship that was the most intense, passionate, all consuming, all encompassing relationship I have ever known. As incredible as it was it was more toxic than good. She is insanely jealous of my ex (for no reason that makes sense, he’s remarried and I’m so happy for him and have never regretted my divorce for a minute, nor has he.) and it’s not just him she is jealous of it’s everyone and she manufactures problems that don’t exist, turns everything around and is always suspicious saying I am secretive.. I have not done anything wrong or anything to warrant these trust issues. I am a self aware person and can admit I have issues too, codependency clearly among other things. She cannot admit this is irrational, blames me for her behavior. We have made up/broken up for over 3 years! The worst part is I have been vicious right back to her out of absolute frustration and anger, I’ve never been verbally abusive to anyone in my life before her. I know it’s wrong to react the way I do but the words literally come barreling out of my mouth. I have so much shame for saying the things I’ve said. She in turn uses my anger fueled responses to say I’m the crazy one. She accuses me of the most ridiculous things and after explaining I would never do such and such, out of frustration I’ll respond in sarcasm for example, “I know you want to go to that party to flirt” I’ll say “can’t wait” because I’ve already had 100 conversations saying I don’t want to attend the party or have no intention of flirting.. then on to her next irrational accusation, rinse and repeat!  I get so mad I finally respond like an asshole and I am toxic too at this point! So here I am, trying to stay away but I always give in. What is wrong with me? On top of that if we really do break up, I have no clue about my sexuality. I can’t imagine being with a man or a woman or anyone else. She is all I see. This has wrecked me to my core and I can barely function. I feel like a terrible example to my child, who doesn’t know any of the crazy details just knows we can’t seem to get along. I have done my best to protect my child from any argument or drama but having a shell of a mom is something I can no longer hide. My on again girlfriend has BPD and the reactions and insanity are endless. If a person can’t admit they have crazy making behavior how can this ever work? It can’t.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hey Playmisty33,



I hope that you don't mind that I have moved your post to the bettering board. It's not clear from your post as to what the current status is as are these r/s's. It feels like there are constant break up and make up cycles.

A r/s with a pwBPD to feels like the ground that you stand on is always shifting and causing knots in your stomach.I completely understand when you say that your pwBPD are pushing your buttons and driving the worst behavior from you.

What's you support network like?

Do you have a T ( therapist )?

How old is your child?

[Buddy Joe]

Hi, Playmisty33! 

As a lesbian, we have this inside joke that once we get in a relationship it’s time for u-haul. The feeling is intense and not to mention the passion just skyrockets. I’ve had past relationships with straight women and they say the same thing. They’ve never had such an intense relationship with so much passion.

Here’s my 2 cents. In relation to my pwBPD girlfriend she tends to project her anxiety and trust issues to me by accusing me of doing this and that. It gets tiresome until, yes, she pushes my buttons and gets the reaction she wants from me. The more they provoke you, the more you shouldn’t give in. They just want to prove that no one can ever love them and using us as the “use case.” So when you cannot control yourself as well, that’s a recipe for disaster.

It’s hard for my pwBPD to own up to her mistakes. She says sorry for the littlest things. But when it comes to the big ones? She would apologize but lead the narrative in her favor and eventually make me the bad guy. Now, all of a sudden it’s my fault. I’ve been having problems dealing with that. Being objective when the argument turns south and irrational.